More and more...

Last weekend Princess kept up her dominant behavior. She issued one task for me to do after the other.

And when you're done, come back immediately, I have more work for you.

She used me as a tool to accomplish more herself. And everything is so natural. Slowly, she starts to expect what I offer.
The pleases and thank-yous erode away.
What used to be polite requests, now become quick orders.
Needless to say that I am very happy.

Later, at night, we had the following conversation:

Are you my Mistress?
Yes, I am.
Do you enjoy being my Mistress?
Very much!
Will you help me to become a better lover?
You are a wonderful lover!
You know that's not true. I am selfish and know nothing about your pleasure.
But I know that we don't have enough sex. I am often tired, but I want more sex.

There it is again. With the reversal of roles comes the reversal of complaints. It used to be me who complained that we don't have enough sex. Now it is Princess who demands more.

I am so deeply in love.

Power seduces

I can report progress. I think my new strategy is working - better than I expected.

Easter Sunday. I wake up, because her hand tenderly strokes my back.
"Good morning Princess" I whisper. I turn around to look at her. She smiles at me, gets up and leaves the bedroom. "What a pity I think." But before long, she returns. Nude. I quickly undress and turn my attention towards her beautiful body.

"Come to me my stud" she demands. I enter her and we make love. I start slowly, but soon I increase my pace, because I know that she likes it rough. I have learned to control the impact of our friction, but her moans drive me wild. It is almost more arousing than her touch.
She enjoys my deep and fast moves. I concentrate fully on her pleasure and forget everything. It is so wonderful. I guess that I am almost conditioned, because as soon as she commands me to come, I fast-forward to orgasm. It is almost automatic. So I come at her command.

"Now I want to come!" she announces. I wipe off some of our juices and go down on her. She comes quickly and hard. Then she orders me to fuck her again.

It is only ten minutes since I climaxed, but her orders have a very positive effect on me. I am proud to obey. She seems to be proud, too. We make passionate love for a second time. After a few minutes, she looks into my eyes and observes me. She watches my face as I move in and out of her. I feel awkward. "Now come for me!" she demands. Her magic words start the auto-pilot. I come immediately - for her entertainment.

A few minutes later, we had an interesting conversation:
She said: "When you were still in charge of sex, we had more and it was more varied."

What! I thought. I know that our sex frequency has increased over the last month, because I keep a diary. But obviously her impression is that we could have more. No objection here.

To be sure I understood correctly, I asked: "Do you think that we should have more sex?"
"Yes, and I don't want to think about it, you should."
"So I should take the initiative more often?"
"Yes"
"But what if you are not in the mood?", I asked.
A big grin appeared on her face: "Then it's your fault. Make sure I am in the mood."

Later we have breakfast together and enjoy that the kids are at their grandparents. We talk about our plans for Easter and I don't expect anything more, because we had great sex and she had made me feel like her sex toy. What else could I wish for. But there was more.

When Princess was finished, she got up from the table and announced: "You may now clear the table."
I was very surprised. Recently, I hadn't encouraged her at all to be dominant, but suddenly she was. I finished my coffee, put the dishes away and cleaned the table. When she saw that I was finished, she issued one task after the other for me to complete. It came naturally without thinking. She was busy too, and we had a joyful cleaning day.

For the afternoon, Princess had invited our neighbor, a quite attractive young woman. When she arrived, my wife continued to issue orders for me to do. While she sat and chatted with our neighbor, I basically waited on them. Whenever I sat down to join them, Princess would ask me something else. It felt strange in a very erotic way. Our neighbor was surely noticing that I was doing everything while Princess just enjoyed her time.

Princess was fulfilling my fantasy and I am sure, she did not plan it. She was not even aware of it. It came so naturally. This is what I had hoped for to happen one distant day, but not so soon.

By the way, Princess is always polite. She always says "please" and "thank you". But she expects me to do as I am told and lets me know that she is not amused when I fail.

I feel that my strategy is successful. Princess is free to do whatever she likes. I will not interfere. And I respect and execute her wishes promptly.

I make sure to give positive feedback only. For example I say things like "I love it when you are so strong." I never complain or try to suggest a different behavior. If she wants to be polite so be it. She is in charge. Who am I to correct her.

She feels her power over me and is getting used to it. I am so happy.

A rant on female superiority

If you look around on the web, you find many forums, blogs, and web sites that advocate female led relationships. All of them are interesting, some are constructive, but often you find quite exaggerated claims that women are superior and that by their natural superiority, women should first rule the marriage and next the world.

So here comes my rant that I need to get off my soul:

Women are not superior! Again? Women are not superior!

Neither are men. We don't want to go back to gender discrimination and sexism, do we?

It is a nice fantasy that all women are superior and that FLR is the natural state into which every relationship sooner or later slips. Please excuse my directness, but this is bullshit. How would you define superiority anyway? And how often have you seen it happen?

Of course, if you search for evidence of FLR and wife-led marriages, you will find them more than you did before. But this does not mean that everybody is now baptized with the holy waters of the Female Goddess. It just means that your view has shifted to one flavor of relationships. In statistics this is called a biased sample. It does not mean that other partnership flavors do not exist anymore or are declining.

Several well known web mistresses claim that we men are susceptible to conditioning. That maybe true. But, where they are wrong and sexist is that they claim it is only us men. The reward system in our brains works the same for men and women. Be it at a neurological level or at the psychological level. So please spare us the sexism.

Domination is not the prerogative of a gender. It is no right of birth. And submission is not the fate of the male sex. Submissiveness and dominance are personal character traits. Maybe every man has a submissive trait, I don't know. But I know that men have a dominant trait that gave us the verb "to dominate". Maybe women have a dominant trait as well, who knows.

Submission is a gift in return for love and care.
I submit to my Princess, because She is special. Would I submit to another woman? Maybe, if she is worth it, maybe not. I have had several long lasting relationships and in none of them did it ever occur to me to submit to my then girlfriend. We simply broke up.

The right to dominate must be earned.

I fully, truly and completely love Princess. This is the only reason why she has the right to rule over me as completely as I love her.

Used for pleasure.

Last week, Princess had a terrible flu. On the weekend, she had recovered somewhat, and on Saturday night I was grateful to receive a hand-job. I guess, she felt guilty that she had "neglected" me for a while.

She played her skillful tease-and-deny game with me. Perfect turns between slow and fast. Soon I was floating in ecstasy. But after only a few minute she increased her pace and kept it up. Obviously she was tired and wanted to get "it over with". As I was approaching my orgasms I felt disappointed that after a week of abstinence I was going to cum so quickly.

Maybe I should have let her continue. Maybe I should have told her to stop. But instead I asked her to return to her previous rhythm. She did - just in time before I was reaching my point of no return. I felt relieved, because I wanted to enjoy her touch a bit longer. She continued caressing me very gentle, with the tip of her index finger barely touching my throbbing penis. But that was it. No more fast strokes at all. No firm grip on my penis. She only massaged my balls every now and then.

First it was heaven, but then it became torture, for now I was longing for the firm, fast strokes. Eventually, even her gentle touch brought me to the edge. It was unbearably slow. I felt a burning sensation crawl up to the tip of my penis. It grew stronger as I approached my climax. Then, finally, I was there. The trigger was pulled and there was nothing to stop me now.

I don't know whether she sensed my coming climax, but just then, when she had started the chain reaction, she released my penis and massaged my balls. She massaged them firmly and rhythmically and my orgasmic contractions followed her rhythm. With each grip on my balls, my penis was jumping up with a slow stream of semen dripping from its tip. The sensation was not a full orgasm, but certainly not as frustrating as the previous time. However, I was hard again only a few minutes later! Maybe we can build on this technique to keep me "up".

Sunday morning was interesting, because it was the first time that my wife "used" me for her pleasure.
She wanted me to make love to her. So I undressed and started to kiss and caress her. She looked very tired and not sexy at all.
I removed her panties and tried to undress her top. She pulled her shirt down again with a disapproving look on her face. Usually this is a clear signal that she does not actually want sex.

So I asked her:
"Are you sure you want to make love? Maybe you should sleep a bit more, while I prepare breakfast."
She said: "I really want you to make love to me, just don't touch me and don't talk to me."

So I entered her and slowly made love to her. She was not looking at me. She was not touching me. It felt very awkward, because it was clear that she wanted just my penis and not what was attached to it. I felt used. I felt owned. And it felt so right.

I tried to be as good as possible. I tried to read from her expression whether I should go slower and faster. Since I was still horny from last night, I had to control myself not to come immediately. If I relax my PC muscle, my erection weakens a bit, but I can delay my orgasm for quite some time. Relaxing the PC muscle while making love is difficult, because with each stroke it wants to contract again. To delay my orgasm, I also have to concentrate on something else. Fortunately, trying to read her expressions distracted me enough to last for some time.

After a few minutes, I had the impression that Princess was satisfied and that she wanted me to climax. I weakened my efforts to delay my orgasm, but kept the PC relaxed. My orgasm came very slowly and very intense. Princess gave me a tired smile, pushed me away and had me clean her up. Then she sent me away to prepare breakfast. She had used me for her pleasure and it was my responsibility to make it a good experience for her. I did not realize it then, but it was the first time she had put her sexual needs far above mine!

This experience fits into a new pattern. We have generally more sex than before. I think there are two main reasons. The first is her new power to decide. The second is my focus on her pleasure and desires.

Owned

I think there is a lot for us to learn from submissive women.
Persephone so perfectly describes how I feel:

"my submission is dictated by my owners and their wants and desires exclusively
my submission is about trust and dedication and submitting to things that my owners choose for me, whether or not i love those things myself
submission means that while my needs will be met, my wants are unimportant..."
Folded @ Persephone's obedience

Why I don't masturbate (anymore)

Since I was 12, I masturbated every day. Two times, three times a day or more. I needed it.
Even when I had my first girlfriend, I could not keep my fingers off my dick.

I once had girlfriends who just loved sex. She brought me to my physical limits which in my youth were very high. We did it in bed, in the shower, in the kitchen, in the car, in public places, you name it. During weekdays, I could recover while I was at the university, but on a normal weekend she gave me 4 hours between two orgasms. But often it would be more; she just loved to bring me to my limits. Still, with all this abundant and grant sex she was giving, I wanted to masturbate! Whenever I had recovered enough and she left me unattended, I touch myself.
I was addicted to masturbation!

Eventually, we split up and I returned to my old masturbation frequency: Once or twice in the morning and then again before I go to sleep. I kept this up until, well, until I realized that I was addicted.

It was during a business trip last year when I decided to stop. Well, I did not stop entirely. Twice a day, I touched myself for 15 minutes sharp, but without orgasm. I played tease and deny with myself. When the 15 minutes were over, I stopped. I stayed in bed for five more minutes with my eyes closed, relaxing every muscle in my body. I took deep and steady breaths. After that was refreshed and awake like a new born child. All tiredness gone. Feeling awake and terribly sexy (but not horny!). I guess this is what Tantra is about.

When I came back home after a week, my balls were bursting. That night my wife was touching me and I told her what I was very horny and that I was about to explode. She loved my excitement and made me cum within seconds. Princess was amazed by the amount of fluid and the force with which it shot out of my penis. And so was I.

Immediately after, she inquired what I had done to accumulate such an amount of semen. I told her. At first, she did not believe me. Why should she, for she knew that I usually masturbated at least twice a day. So I had to explain again and again that I wanted to save my orgasm for her.

Princess was touched. She kissed me and said "I really appreciate that you did this for me."

This orgasms was special because I had saved it for her. On that day I decided to give her all my orgasms as a gift. For a few weeks, I continued to touch myself, but eventually I asked her whether she would like to own my penis.

"What do you mean, own?" she asked.
"It means that you can touch it whenever you like, for as long as you like. It is yours and I will not touch it. It is a token of my love and devotion for you. Do you want it?", I asked her.
She agreed emphatically.

Since then, I have not masturbated again. I just stopped it. I nether thought that I could do it. But I can. Now, whenever I feel the urge, I think of Princess and how much I love her. I remind myself that it is her property that I would be touching without her consent.

Several times she has told me how much she appreciates my self-enforced chastity. It makes her proud that I save myself just for her.
"It makes me proud what you do for me and I admire your self control" she said during a longer period without sex.
Sometimes it is very hard for me, but because she appreciates what I do for her, I keep my promise.

Staying chaste is one way to show how much I love her. It is a sacrifice for her, a symbolic deed that reminds her every day that I surrender my penis and myself to her.

Staying chaste is also a way to show my solidarity when she is not in the mood. It shows that I am close to her.

Isn't it hard for me to have less orgasms? Sometimes it is, but I am happier and more satisfied than ever. When I masturbate, my orgasms are not satisfying. They satisfy my need to masturbate, but never my desire to be loved and touched. There is no substitute for the touch of my Princess. Now all my orgasms are exceptional. I only cum when she wants it. Only she makes me cum. And when she does, I feel that I am truly hers.

Orgasm control (2)

Princess has developed a beautiful technique to tease and deny me. She will start when I still have my boxers on. She gently strokes over my penis. Just enough so that it does not tickle. She enjoys how I react. She loves to feel it grow. While she does this, her head rest on my chest. She can feel my breath, she can hear my heart, its beat resonating in my chest. Faster with every touch.
"You want to take these off?" she will whisper eventually, pulling my boxers down just a bit. Moments later I am nude.

Princess takes hold of her property and firmly grips my balls. My penis replies with a quick jump. Then Princess resumes caressing my penis. Just the tips of her fingers. Gently up the shaft to the tip. Then down again. Another firm pull on the balls to make sure I don't fall asleep. Now I am ready for more, but she goes on gently. This goes on for minutes. I drift away. I float in a pleasurable state that will never reach orgasm.
When I don't expect it, she takes my penis in her hand. One, two, three quick strokes. Just enough to elevate me closer to the climax. But never getting there. When I have just realized what has happened, she will slow down again. I float again. A bit closer to climax than before, but still not there.
Suddenly she gets up. Will she deny me tonight? Should I be happy that the lives my fantasy, or should I beg her to continue?

But instead of turning around, she bends down and takes my throbbing member in her warm mouth. Her heat and softness drive me crazy. With her soft lips she brings me to the brink of orgasm. She grips the base of my penis and moves her mouth up and down a few times. I'm almost there. She knows it. My tip is like a red ripe cherry. She kisses it.
"Good night beautiful penis." she says and turns around to sleep.

The next evening I hope that the story continues, but she is too tired. I can feel the tension in my balls. The following night, she invites me to make love. I am in heaven as I dive into her wetness. In the recent weeks, I have tried to last longer when we make love. There are some techniques that work well for me. She likes it rough, so I start fast. Usually, this desensitizes me and I can go on for a long time. Or I try to put myself in her position. I imagine what it feels like to be her. This helps me to anticipate what she might like next and it diverts the attention from my own approaching climax.

But today nothing works. I am just too loaded and after just a couple of minutes I have to tell her that we must slow down. I feel defeated. I want to be her lasting lover.
"Please go on" she says, "it feels so good when you come." and so I do.

Later I ask her "I hope it was good for you?"
"Yes, very good. But I think you need more orgasms to last longer."

What should I say now? Is there anything the will not offend her? And, do I want more orgasms? Isn't the idea about submission to be denied? Every orgasm is well earned?

"I have as many orgasms as you wish" I finally answer. She seems happy with this answer.

But now I am thinking. Why are we so keen on being denied? Is it the lack of sex that drives us into submission and then we turn denial into a fetish? I am not sure.

I imagine what it would be like if I had many orgasms. I imagine what it would be like if she ordered me to masturbate to orgasm every day. Not for my pleasure, but to make me last longer when we make love. Like you walk your dog around the block so that it can pee she will walk me to the toilet to masturbate under her supervision.

This fantasy turned me on. I keep thinking about it all the time. So at least for me it is not being denied that is arousing, it is being controlled. If my orgasms are controlled by Her, I feel incredibly submissive.

Deep inside I have a strong desire to be owned, to be treated like I am owned. Whatever gives me this feeling is fine. If she denies me I have this feeling, but also if she orders me to masturbate to exhaustion. By contrast, I get frustrated if I feel that she does not care. Fortunately, this gets less and less. The more care about her, the more she cares about me.

Manifesto

Rika tells us that many men confuse submission with regression. I would go a step further. Many men, including me, don't want to submit, they want to be suppressed (aka dominated).

There is a big difference between submission and being dominated. Submission is a mind-set of the sub or slave. Domination is the mind-set of the mistress. So when we say wife-led or female-led, we focus on the mind set of the woman rather than on our own. For this reason, I like these terms less and less. They emphasize what the wife/female should do for her partner rather than what we can do.

I want to submit to my wife without conditions. I can just do it, I don't depend on her! What a wonderful feeling! I am an independent slave!

This is not stealth submission, because she knows about my feelings. She appreciates what I do and feel for her. We have agreed that I am the property of my wife. She can do with me what she wants. Whatever she decides, I want to be happy with it. As her property, who am I to question her?

Submitting to my wife is about her. What can I do for her? The typical answer is: Do all the chores and all the work around the house. But the true answer is more complex. Cleaning the house and doing all the chores may be necessary, but it is not sufficient! After all, I submit to her and not to the house.

First of all, a good slave must anticipate the personal and emotional needs of his mistress. He has to feel what she is feeling. Is she tired and needs rest and comfort, or is she is in the mood for play? The slave must act and behave according to her feelings and emotions. This is more important and more difficult than just being a domestic servant. He has to let go of his own pride and ambitions in favor of hers. He must put her emotional needs and desires above and before his own. On the long run, this can only work if her pleasure become his joy; if my satisfaction depends only on her well being. This is what submission is about.

So my quest has changed. I no longer want to turn my marriage into a "wife lead" marriage. My new goal is to become the perfect slave of my wife through constant self-improvement.

There are three areas where I want to improve:

1. Self-control. Like a monk who devotes his body and soul to God, I want to devote my body and soul to my Goddess. I want to learn how to concentrate just on her and drive all other thoughts and desires from my mind.
   
2. House and family. I strive to free my wife of all unwanted tasks to give her more time for herself and for us.
3. Bed. I strive to become a better lover for my wife. I learn her preferences and anticipate her desires.
   

This was my manifesto for the last weeks. Since then, I have been very careful when I mentioned my wish to submit. I have only mentioned it to motivate why I was doing something for her. I am very happy with my new manifesto, because I no longer depend on her dominating me. If she does, fine. If she doesn't, also fine.

The biggest change for me is of course sexually. I was used to push my preferences and now I try to exclusively cater her needs. In my previous post I reported that I have to learn a lot before I can fully give in to my wife. But I know that I can learn to let go of my selfish thoughts and appreciate that her way is the better way.

What is more important is that my wife is also happy with my new approach. She needn't worry anymore whether she fits my stereotype of a good mistress. She can just do as she likes. This freedom allows her to embrace as much of her new role as she likes. She is free to define the word mistress for herself. And indeed she does.

Sexual Nirvana?

I have a problem. Whatever I do for my Princess, or whatever she does to me, I compare what is happening to my fantasies. I can't help it. I cannot switch of my brain.

Let me illustrate what I mean.

The kids are in bed. Princess is tired from a long day at work and relaxes on the couch, her eyes closed, listening to her favorite music.

I try to help her relaxing, kneeling before her. I gently stroke her hair. "Now she relaxes and may be ready for some intimacy." I think, but immediately after that I fear that she may relax just a little too much and then she'll be tired, too tired.

She opens her eyes with a tired smile: "We should get ready. Tomorrow I have to get up early." It is 10pm. While Princess gets ready in the bathroom I clean up behind us and put our daughter once more on the toilet. Potty training. I use the other bathroom to get ready and since there is nothing more for me to do, I get ready and wait for my Princess to return.

After a while she returns from the bathroom, still dressed. She prepares her dress for tomorrow. She will never let me do this. So I sit read.

When I look up again, she steps out of her pants and undoes her blouse. I admire her shape. With one skillful movement she opens her bra and throws it away. Two perfectly shaped breasts. The sight I've been waiting for. Princess grabs a t-shirt for the night and puts it on. Now I know that she is too tired. If she had put it next to her pillow instead, there would have been a chance that we will make love. But I don't waste a thought on this anymore. Rather I want to cherish every second of her brief nudity.

Today I am lucky. Years of washing and wearing have made the fabric of her t-shirt thin and transparent. So now I get a good view of her erect nipples. I am in heaven. "You are so beautiful." I whisper. "Thank you." she says. If only she believed me.

Princess quickly joins me and rests her head on my chest. She is so warm, so soft. I inhale her scent and close my eyes. My penis is hard. I gently stroke her hair. With my other hand I gently stroke her shoulder blades, down her spine, until I reach her buttox. With my eyes closed I try to imagine every inch of skin that I tough. My fingers caress her hips and then move slowly up along her waist back to her shoulders. She loves my gentle touch and relaxes completely. Imagining her makes me so horny.

But after a few minutes, my mind begins to roam. Selfish desires crawl up. "Come on, touch me!" I think, "Touch me before I go limp." Instantly, I get annoyed. I should concentrate on her pleasure, don't I? Can't I just be and enjoy the tenderness of the moment?

I try to focus on Princess again. What can I do to make it more exciting for her? Can I do more? Am I too boring?

Suddenly, she pulls my side of the covers down and exposes me. I know well what this means. Her hand touches my belly and moves slowly down to my crotch. With her palm she feels my penis through my boxers. Often my erection is almost gone by now. "Is she disappointed?" I try to think of something sexy to make it grow again, but it never works. Fortunately I don't have a problem today. I am as hard as I can be.

"You can undress if you like" she says. Too polite. "Why doesn't she say 'undress!'" I think. Shame on me again!

I comply and remove my boxers. We resume our position and she starts caressing me with her finger tips. Slowly she strokes my penis from the tip down to the balls, then up again. Barely touching me. Sometimes she concentrates on the sensitive skin just below the glans. Sometimes she squeezes balls while firmly pulling the skin down. Then she may masturbate me for a few strokes. Always changing the pace from slow to fast and back again, never keeping one method for long. Slowly my excitement builds up, unbearably slow. Now my mind is almost empty.

But only almost. I am still caressing her back. Should I concentrate on her or should I just relax and enjoy her attention? Would she prefer something else? "Would you like to make love?" I ask. "No, I am tired". So I can relax I think, but soon I wonder whether she will finish me off or deny me. I don't know which I prefer. If she denies me I will be frustrated, but I know that she "thinks Dom". My body wants an orgasm badly. Why can't I just cherish the moment? Why can't I just relax and be her toy? Instead I spoil my pleasure with stupid thoughts.

After a few minutes, she firmly grips my penis and starts jerking me off. Skillfully, not too fast and not too slow. A steady rhythm and no more pause. At this rate, I'll have my orgasm within a few seconds. There is nothing I can do to prevent it. I have often tried to resist, but she knows my body like a mechanic knows his engine. She has scheduled my orgasm and it will be on time. Before I can think anything else my thoughts are flushed by the orgasm and my mind is finally at peace.

For me submission means to fully give up your thoughts and desires. Not only do your told, but also be what your told. I want to be her toy, her pet. Does Sexual Nirvana exist? The state of total happiness and fulfillment? The state where I exist only for her pleasure. The state where my desires cease to exist?