Playtime

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Why I don't masturbate (anymore)

Since I was 12, I masturbated every day. Two times, three times a day or more. I needed it.
Even when I had my first girlfriend, I could not keep my fingers off my dick.

I once had girlfriends who just loved sex. She brought me to my physical limits which in my youth were very high. We did it in bed, in the shower, in the kitchen, in the car, in public places, you name it. During weekdays, I could recover while I was at the university, but on a normal weekend she gave me 4 hours between two orgasms. But often it would be more; she just loved to bring me to my limits. Still, with all this abundant and grant sex she was giving, I wanted to masturbate! Whenever I had recovered enough and she left me unattended, I touch myself.
I was addicted to masturbation!

Eventually, we split up and I returned to my old masturbation frequency: Once or twice in the morning and then again before I go to sleep. I kept this up until, well, until I realized that I was addicted.

It was during a business trip last year when I decided to stop. Well, I did not stop entirely. Twice a day, I touched myself for 15 minutes sharp, but without orgasm. I played tease and deny with myself. When the 15 minutes were over, I stopped. I stayed in bed for five more minutes with my eyes closed, relaxing every muscle in my body. I took deep and steady breaths. After that was refreshed and awake like a new born child. All tiredness gone. Feeling awake and terribly sexy (but not horny!). I guess this is what Tantra is about.

When I came back home after a week, my balls were bursting. That night my wife was touching me and I told her what I was very horny and that I was about to explode. She loved my excitement and made me cum within seconds. Princess was amazed by the amount of fluid and the force with which it shot out of my penis. And so was I.

Immediately after, she inquired what I had done to accumulate such an amount of semen. I told her. At first, she did not believe me. Why should she, for she knew that I usually masturbated at least twice a day. So I had to explain again and again that I wanted to save my orgasm for her.

Princess was touched. She kissed me and said "I really appreciate that you did this for me."

This orgasms was special because I had saved it for her. On that day I decided to give her all my orgasms as a gift. For a few weeks, I continued to touch myself, but eventually I asked her whether she would like to own my penis.

"What do you mean, own?" she asked.
"It means that you can touch it whenever you like, for as long as you like. It is yours and I will not touch it. It is a token of my love and devotion for you. Do you want it?", I asked her.
She agreed emphatically.

Since then, I have not masturbated again. I just stopped it. I nether thought that I could do it. But I can. Now, whenever I feel the urge, I think of Princess and how much I love her. I remind myself that it is her property that I would be touching without her consent.

Several times she has told me how much she appreciates my self-enforced chastity. It makes her proud that I save myself just for her.
"It makes me proud what you do for me and I admire your self control" she said during a longer period without sex.
Sometimes it is very hard for me, but because she appreciates what I do for her, I keep my promise.

Staying chaste is one way to show how much I love her. It is a sacrifice for her, a symbolic deed that reminds her every day that I surrender my penis and myself to her.

Staying chaste is also a way to show my solidarity when she is not in the mood. It shows that I am close to her.

Isn't it hard for me to have less orgasms? Sometimes it is, but I am happier and more satisfied than ever. When I masturbate, my orgasms are not satisfying. They satisfy my need to masturbate, but never my desire to be loved and touched. There is no substitute for the touch of my Princess. Now all my orgasms are exceptional. I only cum when she wants it. Only she makes me cum. And when she does, I feel that I am truly hers.

Orgasm control (2)

Princess has developed a beautiful technique to tease and deny me. She will start when I still have my boxers on. She gently strokes over my penis. Just enough so that it does not tickle. She enjoys how I react. She loves to feel it grow. While she does this, her head rest on my chest. She can feel my breath, she can hear my heart, its beat resonating in my chest. Faster with every touch.
"You want to take these off?" she will whisper eventually, pulling my boxers down just a bit. Moments later I am nude.

Princess takes hold of her property and firmly grips my balls. My penis replies with a quick jump. Then Princess resumes caressing my penis. Just the tips of her fingers. Gently up the shaft to the tip. Then down again. Another firm pull on the balls to make sure I don't fall asleep. Now I am ready for more, but she goes on gently. This goes on for minutes. I drift away. I float in a pleasurable state that will never reach orgasm.
When I don't expect it, she takes my penis in her hand. One, two, three quick strokes. Just enough to elevate me closer to the climax. But never getting there. When I have just realized what has happened, she will slow down again. I float again. A bit closer to climax than before, but still not there.
Suddenly she gets up. Will she deny me tonight? Should I be happy that the lives my fantasy, or should I beg her to continue?

But instead of turning around, she bends down and takes my throbbing member in her warm mouth. Her heat and softness drive me crazy. With her soft lips she brings me to the brink of orgasm. She grips the base of my penis and moves her mouth up and down a few times. I'm almost there. She knows it. My tip is like a red ripe cherry. She kisses it.
"Good night beautiful penis." she says and turns around to sleep.

The next evening I hope that the story continues, but she is too tired. I can feel the tension in my balls. The following night, she invites me to make love. I am in heaven as I dive into her wetness. In the recent weeks, I have tried to last longer when we make love. There are some techniques that work well for me. She likes it rough, so I start fast. Usually, this desensitizes me and I can go on for a long time. Or I try to put myself in her position. I imagine what it feels like to be her. This helps me to anticipate what she might like next and it diverts the attention from my own approaching climax.

But today nothing works. I am just too loaded and after just a couple of minutes I have to tell her that we must slow down. I feel defeated. I want to be her lasting lover.
"Please go on" she says, "it feels so good when you come." and so I do.

Later I ask her "I hope it was good for you?"
"Yes, very good. But I think you need more orgasms to last longer."

What should I say now? Is there anything the will not offend her? And, do I want more orgasms? Isn't the idea about submission to be denied? Every orgasm is well earned?

"I have as many orgasms as you wish" I finally answer. She seems happy with this answer.

But now I am thinking. Why are we so keen on being denied? Is it the lack of sex that drives us into submission and then we turn denial into a fetish? I am not sure.

I imagine what it would be like if I had many orgasms. I imagine what it would be like if she ordered me to masturbate to orgasm every day. Not for my pleasure, but to make me last longer when we make love. Like you walk your dog around the block so that it can pee she will walk me to the toilet to masturbate under her supervision.

This fantasy turned me on. I keep thinking about it all the time. So at least for me it is not being denied that is arousing, it is being controlled. If my orgasms are controlled by Her, I feel incredibly submissive.

Deep inside I have a strong desire to be owned, to be treated like I am owned. Whatever gives me this feeling is fine. If she denies me I have this feeling, but also if she orders me to masturbate to exhaustion. By contrast, I get frustrated if I feel that she does not care. Fortunately, this gets less and less. The more care about her, the more she cares about me.

What are your fantasies?

I have lots of sexual fantasies. Some of them are very common others maybe not. For example, I am submissive. I dream about being dominated, humiliated, spanked, displayed and used, and many other things in this direction. I also have a dominant side. I love it when my wife kneels before me and blows me until I come in her mouth. I also have many fantasies where I am a submissive girl who is used and humiliated my many men.

During our marriage, I have told Princess many of my fantasies. She also knows most of my sexual desires and preferences. This is good for me. She can bring me to orgasm within seconds. Anytime. Anywhere. She just knows. I am so grateful.

But I can't recall that we ever talked about her fantasies. Shame on me! Her preferences? I am not sure. The only feedback I get are her orgasms. I think she prefers the missionary position and so far her only orgasms have been oral. If she is relaxed, she likes intimacy. If not, forget it. But that's about it.

So now, after almost 15 years of intimacy, I want to get to know her. Her secret thoughts and desires. Her fantasies. But I have no idea how.

The other night I asked:
"Is there something that arouses you? Something besides kissing and touching?"

Her first response was the reflex, her typical response if she feels pressured:

"To enjoy sex, I need to be relaxed and in the mood"

"I know Princess. Let's assume you are relaxed. So what, besides kissing and touching, will bring you into the mood?"

"I like intelligent erotica or well made movies."

This is a start. I still don't know about her preferences, but I can look for some erotica and read it to her (any recommendations?).

But what about fantasies? I actually don't know whether she has sexual fantasies. If I ask her, she we will say something like:

"I think about us making love."

This is not a fantasy but a memory, right?

I must admit that I use most of my fantasies to masturbate. So maybe Princess does the same?

I have asked her many times:

"Princess, what do you think about when you masturbate?"

"I don't masturbate."

"You don't? Why not?

"I feel silly, and besides, why should I masturbate if I have you?"

Then she grins and the subject is closed. The only time I know where she has masturbated was during a phone call when I was out of the country for several weeks. But even then it took one hour of phone sex to get her in the mood.

Fortunately, she is more willing to share her sexual desires since I started to concentrate on her pleasure. When we made love last night, she told me what to do:

"when we make love I don't want you to hold back. I love it when you are wild and out of control."

"You want me to be wild like an animal"

"Oh yes!"

So I we made lov....., no, well, I fucked her hard and wild. She wanted it, she got it. Of course I held back my orgasm. But she didn't care, because she wanted to be fucked for a long time. I had to muster all my strength not to come early. When she finally moaned "Come for me!" I came instantly.

Can I be the rough lover and feel submissive at the same time? I think yes. It's the classic story of Beauty and the Beast.