I have a problem. Whatever I do for my Princess, or whatever she does to me, I compare what is happening to my fantasies. I can't help it. I cannot switch of my brain.
Let me illustrate what I mean.
The kids are in bed. Princess is tired from a long day at work and relaxes on the couch, her eyes closed, listening to her favorite music.
I try to help her relaxing, kneeling before her. I gently stroke her hair. "Now she relaxes and may be ready for some intimacy." I think, but immediately after that I fear that she may relax just a little too much and then she'll be tired, too tired.
She opens her eyes with a tired smile: "We should get ready. Tomorrow I have to get up early." It is 10pm. While Princess gets ready in the bathroom I clean up behind us and put our daughter once more on the toilet. Potty training. I use the other bathroom to get ready and since there is nothing more for me to do, I get ready and wait for my Princess to return.
After a while she returns from the bathroom, still dressed. She prepares her dress for tomorrow. She will never let me do this. So I sit read.
When I look up again, she steps out of her pants and undoes her blouse. I admire her shape. With one skillful movement she opens her bra and throws it away. Two perfectly shaped breasts. The sight I've been waiting for. Princess grabs a t-shirt for the night and puts it on. Now I know that she is too tired. If she had put it next to her pillow instead, there would have been a chance that we will make love. But I don't waste a thought on this anymore. Rather I want to cherish every second of her brief nudity.
Today I am lucky. Years of washing and wearing have made the fabric of her t-shirt thin and transparent. So now I get a good view of her erect nipples. I am in heaven. "You are so beautiful." I whisper. "Thank you." she says. If only she believed me.
Princess quickly joins me and rests her head on my chest. She is so warm, so soft. I inhale her scent and close my eyes. My penis is hard. I gently stroke her hair. With my other hand I gently stroke her shoulder blades, down her spine, until I reach her buttox. With my eyes closed I try to imagine every inch of skin that I tough. My fingers caress her hips and then move slowly up along her waist back to her shoulders. She loves my gentle touch and relaxes completely. Imagining her makes me so horny.
But after a few minutes, my mind begins to roam. Selfish desires crawl up. "Come on, touch me!" I think, "Touch me before I go limp." Instantly, I get annoyed. I should concentrate on her pleasure, don't I? Can't I just be and enjoy the tenderness of the moment?
I try to focus on Princess again. What can I do to make it more exciting for her? Can I do more? Am I too boring?
Suddenly, she pulls my side of the covers down and exposes me. I know well what this means. Her hand touches my belly and moves slowly down to my crotch. With her palm she feels my penis through my boxers. Often my erection is almost gone by now. "Is she disappointed?" I try to think of something sexy to make it grow again, but it never works. Fortunately I don't have a problem today. I am as hard as I can be.
"You can undress if you like" she says. Too polite. "Why doesn't she say 'undress!'" I think. Shame on me again!
I comply and remove my boxers. We resume our position and she starts caressing me with her finger tips. Slowly she strokes my penis from the tip down to the balls, then up again. Barely touching me. Sometimes she concentrates on the sensitive skin just below the glans. Sometimes she squeezes balls while firmly pulling the skin down. Then she may masturbate me for a few strokes. Always changing the pace from slow to fast and back again, never keeping one method for long. Slowly my excitement builds up, unbearably slow. Now my mind is almost empty.
But only almost. I am still caressing her back. Should I concentrate on her or should I just relax and enjoy her attention? Would she prefer something else? "Would you like to make love?" I ask. "No, I am tired". So I can relax I think, but soon I wonder whether she will finish me off or deny me. I don't know which I prefer. If she denies me I will be frustrated, but I know that she "thinks Dom". My body wants an orgasm badly. Why can't I just cherish the moment? Why can't I just relax and be her toy? Instead I spoil my pleasure with stupid thoughts.
After a few minutes, she firmly grips my penis and starts jerking me off. Skillfully, not too fast and not too slow. A steady rhythm and no more pause. At this rate, I'll have my orgasm within a few seconds. There is nothing I can do to prevent it. I have often tried to resist, but she knows my body like a mechanic knows his engine. She has scheduled my orgasm and it will be on time. Before I can think anything else my thoughts are flushed by the orgasm and my mind is finally at peace.
For me submission means to fully give up your thoughts and desires. Not only do your told, but also be what your told. I want to be her toy, her pet. Does Sexual Nirvana exist? The state of total happiness and fulfillment? The state where I exist only for her pleasure. The state where my desires cease to exist?
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Thoughts and experiences of a husband who serves his wife to make her the happiest woman on earth.
5 comments:
Your entire scenario sounds exactly like what I experience often. My little voice inside is always second guessing the what is going on and how I wish it were slightly different. But alas our submissive sides seem to take over and allow things to progress as they should, under her direction.
Your blog is great keep up the interesting postings.
Wow. I can completely relate to this experience. As my wife strokes me, I'm conflicted between orgasm and denial. At first, the fantasy of denial dominates, and I hope she'll tell me I need to wait...but this always gives way to the demand for orgasm.
Excellent writing.
Urmel - you have to remember that whilst your mind is constantly focused on your submissive thoughts, and what it is that you would like to happen, your wife is not thinking the same way. I feel exactly the same as you do, and for most of the time just wish that Jane would take more control, be more demanding, why cant she just say, “get undressed”, rather than “if you like”, a good question. This is one of the points that I was trying to make in my most recent post. For most of us pursuing a WLM, we have to contend with wives that whilst partially happy to go along with our fantasies are not really committed to taking on a more dominant role. They are certainly not constantly thinking about how they may dominate us, and because they probably get very little pleasure from treating us in the way that we would like to be treated, just don’t.
I sometimes think of how I would react if my wife asked me to dominate her for a day, could I do it, how would I react. Although going against my submissive nature, I think that I could, and may even enjoy it for a while, I would certainly be motivated, even turned on, if I knew how much Jane was turned on by being dominated, but I guess women aren’t like that, mores the pity.
Urmel,
Don't think of giving up your thoughts. You can sublimate some, supress your desires, but in the end they will come out some other undesirable way.
You are being human. Enjoy what she does, what you get, what you do for her. Nothing in life will ever be perfect except momentarily. Rejoice in those moments.
Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate them and try to learn from your advice and experience.
AAT: I am well aware, that my wife has other things on her mind. She should! To truly submit, I would like to free my mind of any selfish thoughts and just live and enjoy what she is giving me.
S'sP: Call me crazy, but I want to give up my thoughts. I want to learn and grow. I want to enjoy what she is enjoying. How else can I ever be content with what she is giving me?
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