I have lots of sexual fantasies. Some of them are very common others maybe not. For example, I am submissive. I dream about being dominated, humiliated, spanked, displayed and used, and many other things in this direction. I also have a dominant side. I love it when my wife kneels before me and blows me until I come in her mouth. I also have many fantasies where I am a submissive girl who is used and humiliated my many men.
During our marriage, I have told Princess many of my fantasies. She also knows most of my sexual desires and preferences. This is good for me. She can bring me to orgasm within seconds. Anytime. Anywhere. She just knows. I am so grateful.
But I can't recall that we ever talked about her fantasies. Shame on me! Her preferences? I am not sure. The only feedback I get are her orgasms. I think she prefers the missionary position and so far her only orgasms have been oral. If she is relaxed, she likes intimacy. If not, forget it. But that's about it.
So now, after almost 15 years of intimacy, I want to get to know her. Her secret thoughts and desires. Her fantasies. But I have no idea how.
The other night I asked:
"Is there something that arouses you? Something besides kissing and touching?"
Her first response was the reflex, her typical response if she feels pressured:
"To enjoy sex, I need to be relaxed and in the mood"
"I know Princess. Let's assume you are relaxed. So what, besides kissing and touching, will bring you into the mood?"
"I like intelligent erotica or well made movies."
This is a start. I still don't know about her preferences, but I can look for some erotica and read it to her (any recommendations?).
But what about fantasies? I actually don't know whether she has sexual fantasies. If I ask her, she we will say something like:
"I think about us making love."
This is not a fantasy but a memory, right?
I must admit that I use most of my fantasies to masturbate. So maybe Princess does the same?
I have asked her many times:
"Princess, what do you think about when you masturbate?"
"I don't masturbate."
"You don't? Why not?
"I feel silly, and besides, why should I masturbate if I have you?"
Then she grins and the subject is closed. The only time I know where she has masturbated was during a phone call when I was out of the country for several weeks. But even then it took one hour of phone sex to get her in the mood.
Fortunately, she is more willing to share her sexual desires since I started to concentrate on her pleasure. When we made love last night, she told me what to do:
"when we make love I don't want you to hold back. I love it when you are wild and out of control."
"You want me to be wild like an animal"
"Oh yes!"
So I we made lov....., no, well, I fucked her hard and wild. She wanted it, she got it. Of course I held back my orgasm. But she didn't care, because she wanted to be fucked for a long time. I had to muster all my strength not to come early. When she finally moaned "Come for me!" I came instantly.
Can I be the rough lover and feel submissive at the same time? I think yes. It's the classic story of Beauty and the Beast.
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9 comments:
Well I must say that your wife and mine would get along famously. It takes a lot to get her to say that she has any fantasies. One that seems to be consistent is having another lover. That is two men at the same time or just having another lover alone, especially one that has a long thick one and can last(i don't last too long). Try posing to her different scenarios and see if she bites (do this during foreplay). That's what has worked for me.
It's funny how it has taken you 15 years to have the conversation. It's similar to my situation except we haven't been married for 15 years! What I'm trying to say is that I only recently had the fantasy conversation with my wife and alas she doesn't have any fantasies. I don't believe it for one minute. But I'm going to ask her again, in a different environment perhaps when she's feeling a little hornier.
Also I've never asked her if she masturbates. I know she'd say no if I did.
All women fantasize and all women masturbate!! (according to the female e-zines I've read)
Of course you can. You are doing what she wants!!! :)
i echo the sentiments of whatevershesays. So long as you are giving Her what she wants you are behaving appropriately as a submissive.
My Wife has a submissive streak in her sexually and she chooses to channel that through Her boyfriend, but also likes being an "Alpha Female" in bed some of the times. She could tell I never felt comfortable being the dominnat one and now she has the best of both worlds.
i echo the sentiments of whatevershesays. So long as you are giving Her what she wants you are behaving appropriately as a submissive.
My Wife has a submissive streak in her sexually and she chooses to channel that through Her boyfriend, but also likes being an "Alpha Female" in bed some of the times. She could tell I never felt comfortable being the dominnat one and now she has the best of both worlds.
Thanks for all your encouragement and support. It helps me a lot!
Urmel,
Except for the reference to the 15 years (mine covers more), I could have written this. I think that you may have found a common denominator of a class of women.
While my marriage is a 14-year one, it is also as if I could have written this entry. I chuckled to myself when I read that she said "Why would I mastrubate when I have you?" and, when asked what her fantasies are, "I think about us making love."
These are the answers that I believe they think we want to hear, but everything I've read too suggests that they aren't entirely true.
IMHO, just talking about them can be erotic enough sometimes to really be a turn-on. I'd love for her to tell me about her fantasies about other men, multiple partners, experimentation, etc., but she just won't do it.
How can we get our wives to open up and reveal the down-n-dirty fantasies they have?
I guess, it is something many women don't like to talk about. What I try now with some success is probing. I try or suggest something and observe her reaction. Other than this, i am not smarter than when I wrote this entry.
Thanks for your comment!
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