Monday, January 14, 2008

Orgasm control

Orgasm control seems to be a central part of a WLM. The wife takes full control (and responsibility) over her husbands sexuality. She decides if, when, and how the lover is allowed to have an orgasm. She can use her power to redirect her husbands attention away from his own pleasure towards hers. Her pleasure comes first and she should have considerably more orgasms than him. The wife can also use his orgasms to gratify or punish him for good or bad behavior. If his performance is not satisfactory, he must wait for some more days, before his pressure is released. The women literally owns her man's sexuality. Of course this is a big turn-on for submissive men.

But I think there is something else that makes Orgasm Control so appealing for men, despite the deprivation and frustration that comes with it.

Orgasm Control turns around the traditional roles in which the men advance the women for mating.
Men have high-paced hormonal clocks that dictate them to ejaculate regularly. So a man must take the initiative. Women have their own hormonal clock. It is, in my experience, slower and not primarily tuned to maximize reproductive output. In the blissful days of a young love, a woman will often give in to the advances of her man, but once these days have passed, she will listen to her inner clock. She will reject him, if she is not in the mood. We all know this too well.

For us men, the female lust cycle is an unpredictable mystery, a prime source of frustration. So wouldn't it be wonderful to reverse this situation? Wouldn't it be so much easier if men could just ignore their inner clocks and simply wait for the mating call of the female? And if your hear her divine whistle, you just obey her desires, fueled by your accumulated lust. Now the woman initiates sex and the husband is more than happy to obey. No more rejections and more attention. I think this is what many men hope to get when they submit their sexuality to their wives.

Of course I love the idea of Orgasm Control and I discussed this with my Princess. Her reaction was positive; she would give it a try. Now some weeks have passed and, as you may guess from my previous posts, we are not there. I discussed with my Princess why she is reluctant.

My wife was very honest: "There is nothing in it for me that I don't have now. So why should I deny you any orgasms?"

First, she said, that I already did most of the work around the house. We are both working, and since my hours are more flexible working than hers, I take care of the kids and most of the house-work. "Why should I motivate you to do any more? If I do, you will be too tired to be useful."

Second, my wife wants my orgasms. She loves to watch me at the moment of highest pleasure. She wants to see how I spurt. All this is important for her and orgasm control would take a lot of it away. She also enjoys my uninhibited lust. She does not like it if I delay my orgasm. In fact, she often encourages me to come as quickly as I want or need. After I am done, she is usually content. Of course this it also a big turn-on for me. I am her toy and she takes pleasure from watching me. But it runs counter to the idea of Orgasm Control.

So from my wife's point of view, there is no incentive for controlling my orgasms. This leaves me with the question of how I can convince her to doing it anyway. Currently my hope is that our developing WLM will make her more demanding and that she will eventually start controlling (i.e. denying) my orgasms.


Susan's Pet said...

Greetings, Urmel!

You are very skilfully describing your situation. In a couple of postings you have presented your needs, wants, conditions under which you live, and your wife's attitude.

First I want to share with you the fact that I feel most of what you need and want. Consider me as a symphatetic reader.

One thing that you quoted by your wife stands out, "'My wife was very honest: "There is nothing in it for me that I don't have now. So why should I deny you any orgasms?"' This appears to be her freely expressed feeling. Why should she do anything for you as long as you are doing everything already?

I will tell you why. You are married. Marriage is a relationship between two people. If one or both are not satisfied with it, then bad things will happen, and the relationship (marriage) will break.

You may be very happy with her attitude, and then all is fine, and you have no reason to complain. But if she is not giving as a result of receiving all your personal attention, and you need some reciprocation, then you will not be able to maintain this relationship.

You need to communicate. Don't present your needs and wants as, "I want orgasm control". Let her gently be accustomed to your needs while you are satisfying all of hers. It takes time. She also needs to realize that you have needs that she should satisfy. That is part of a loving relationship.

It looks like you have a good start, please take it slowly and work on one thing at a time so that you can observe the results. Be kind, and you will be all right.

helpmate hubby said...

I have never seen the female sex drive descirbed more perfectly! lol
I love your blog and hope you will keep it up for a long time to come.

BTW if you want an invite to mine send me an email at

Urmel said...

Thanks for your positive and encouraging comments. They mean a lot to me in particular since I have just started this "blogging thing" and since I have not expected to get any feedback so soon.

Yes, I also think that I need to communicate. Whenever I have expressed my needs in a subtle way to my wife, she is very positive. This gives me hope. But her positive attitude wears down quickly in the everyday routine.

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