I wish I could give a clear statement about the state of my campaign.
Princess is positive about many aspects of my new behavior. She likes to be in charge. She likes the attention I give her and she certainly likes that to be in charge of the bedroom. That said, there are things that she is not comfortable with, to put it mildly.
My Princess wants a strong partner. She does not want to dominate me. Although it is my strong desire to be humiliated at times, she may never do it.
I have also reduced my share of the daily chores to a more reasonable amount. Princess did not like that I spend so much time cleaning, washing, and ironing. At first I was confused, because I thought "what could be nicer than to relax while your husband does all the work?"
She simply said: "I don't want to sit here alone while you are doing all the work. I want to help you, so we have more time together!"
Point granted. It is all for her pleasure, so why should she enjoy that I spend the entire evening in the kitchen cleaning up. Both my wife and I are working full time. My wife has to commute one hour, so she get home an hour later than I do. Both our jobs are intellectually demanding and when we come home we are exhausted. If we want to spend at least half an hour together, we simply have no choice, but to share the work.
So for the time being, we are on equal terms, only that she has the last word, if we don't agree.
I will take things more slowly. From her perspective, it is indeed weird that I suddenly get excited by doing house work. She cannot appreciate that it gives me the chance to submit to her orders. If I was the traditional patriarch of the family, and my wife would spend more and more time cleaning, I would think that she has become neurotic.
I have decided to concentrate my efforts of those aspects of WLM that Princess enjoys most. She loves her new power in the bedroom. She is not dominating me, mind you, but she likes that I focus on her pleasure. She likes to decide if, when, and how we are intimate. The last few times she actually said "we should do this more often." So I will try to pamper her even more.
I am not sure that she likes to control my orgasms. I think she sees no point in it. What she likes, however, is that she does not have to decide from the beginning how far we go. She can start being intimate and stop anytime if she feels she is too tired for more.
So for now, she likes to be in charge. Let's see, how she grows into her now role.
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7 comments:
I wish I could take on your attitude.
Rationally, I know that you're right. "More isn't better", as my wife reminds me. She's referring to housework. Like your wife, she wants me to spend more time relaxing with her. I struggle to do this, I believe, because my wife doesn't grasp what I'm trying to achieve for us. Maybe that will come with time, and I'll then be able to serve her in a less forced, more natural manner.
I find it tough to let my wife lead at HER PACE. And as this is still pretty new to us, there are alot of starts and stops.
Like any relationship, it takes time to find the right balance.
Thanks for your comments. It helps that to know that others have the same problems.
Following my wife's pace is difficult for me, too. When she is not reinforcing her role actively enough, I often slip back into old behavior patterns. At first it feels easier, but then I quickly feel frustrated and realize how much I need her domination.
I agree with you completely Urmel, in fact I was writing an entry about this very same subject when I came across your most recent entry, I will post it later this week.
Less is more sometimes
Urmel,
You are doing great. You must not expect too much. She obviously knows that she can do anything that she wants, so give her the opportunity. I think that you express this state very well with "So for the time being, we are on equal terms, only that she has the last word, if we don't agree."
The other aspect that is great is that, as you say, "She loves her new power in the bedroom." That is a powerful incentive for her to feel in total control of you without getting bogged down in too many rules.
It probably would not hurt for you to leave erotic literature around where she can see it, perhaps some passages underlined, or once in a while talk of your fantasies in a dreamy way to avoid sounding unsatisfied. If she does not take the hints, there is nothing else you can do without hurting your position. Meanwhile enjoy your wonderful companion.
I find that my wife and me fit more like you and your wife, than we do a lot of others, I see my marriage and what were doing basically like you talk about yours. Although were having our troubles were on the road and I believe were headed in the right direction. I enjoy reading and take insight from you and others .
This sounds like Ms. Lily's and my relationship. We talked at the beginning and came to the conclusion that we are doing this to have more "we" time. So if your wifes want do do something let them. Ms. Lily told me the other day sometimes she likes to do dishes (we have never had a dishwasher in the 12 years we have been married, we hand wash everything) because she can stand at the sink with her back to the world, look out the window and relax. Does she do this all the time no, but who am I to say that she can't. Just like any relationship you have to give and take. To note the kink aspect, give it time, Ms. Lily one night out of the blue told me to but on one of her pink thongs to go to the store in. I thought no big deal she knows it is there (turn on for me) but when we got to the store (7-11 type) she stayed in the car and told me that while I was shopping I was expected to walk by the front windows and she wanted to see pink. Totally HOT. I was not expecting this behavior from her, she has always been very vanilla. So give it time, take it at your own pace and enjoy the ride, but most of all talk to you wife open and honestly. Good luck
Ms. Lily's Knight
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