Do with me whatever you want!

When I woke up on Friday morning, we had a first. It was the first time that Princess started a conversation about our sex live.
It started with her body grinding against mine.
Slowly I awoke from my dreams from the feeling of her butt rubbing against my erection.
She turned around, looked into my sleepy eyes and said:
"I want to apologize -
I want to apologize for rejecting you so often.
I love you so much and it hurts me to leave you unsatisfied."

I gently touched her cheeks and kissed her. "I know." I whispered.

Her hands explored my body. My chest, my belly, my back and soon her hands found their way to my penis.
Her eyes focused on me again, digging deep into me, trying to read my thoughts. Her face was thoughtful. But only for a second. Then she said:
"You can do with me whatever you want."
"Everything?" I asked
"Everything!" she confirmed, "but you must also fuck me."

I felt a flush of love and happiness. My mind raced. What should I do with such an unexpected offer.

I undressed her and lay on top of her. I felt her skin. I smelled her scent. I entered her. I took her hard and fast, because this is what she needed. And while I made love to her, I held her face in my hands, kissing her mouth, nibbling on her lips.

Princess enjoyed what I was doing.
"I love when you take me like this. I love to be in your arms when you fuck me."
Her body confirmed what she had said: She became wet. Very wet. The sensation of entering her was incredible. Like diving into a tight hot pool. I brought her knees up against her chest and reached for her behind. With my hands I cupped her butt. It was wet as well. Her liquids were everywhere. My fingers probed her anus. With ease I slid inside. Deeper than ever before. I felt myself sliding in and out of her. I inserted a second finger. Would it fit? I had never done it before. She moaned with pleasure. Hopefully, she would not wake up the kids. For a moment I thought about anal sex. But we have never done it and I was not sure that it would work right away. Too great was the danger to spoil the moment and too great was her pleasure in what I was doing now. So I decided that this is enough for today.
I fucked her with two fingers deep inside her anus. It was so great just observing her pleasure that I almost forgot about my orgasm. Finally she begged me to make her cum and as soon as my tongue touched her pussy, she did. I re-entered her before her orgasm was over. She was even wetter than before. We were soaking with sweat and love. We were panting. No longer was I observing her. My mind was finally at rest and my primal instincts took over. I was just using her to provide the friction for my pleasure. I was grunting like an animal when I exploded. Breathless I collapsed on top of her.
After a few minutes Princess said "I feel so close to you now. Why don't we do this more often?"

Depression

When I returned home, we chatted a bit and then I told her that I want to make love to her. Without hesitation, she stripped naked and we made love for a long time. It usually takes her a while to get into the "flow", but if I last long enough, I can fuck her into heaven. I can see it in her face. All tension is gone. Her face is sheer beauty.
When we were done, she fell asleep instantly, as if my absence had also deprived her of rest and sleep.

What I did not know then was that during my absence, Princess had slipped into depression. She has recently lost her job and understandably, this was a blow on her self-confidence. When I returned from home the following day, I could immediately see that Princess was deeply depressed. The apartment was a complete mess. Breakfast was still on the table and heaps of fresh laundry, waiting to be ironed were everywhere.

Princess pampered me a bit, by bringing me food and a cold beer and then went away to clean up the flat. I was upset, because I wanted some special time with my Princess. Obviously she had spent her day rather unproductive and now, when I wanted her, she was busy cleaning up. And later in bed, Princess was exhausted and wanted to sleep. She was responsive to my intimate caressing, and I could have taken her, but I was so obvious that she needed sleep, that I let her.

For the following day, I gave Princess clear instructions on how to spend her day. I made it clear that when I come home from work, I expect her undivided attention. She did not complain that I ordered her around. Rather she was accepting my orders by simple "Yes" and "I understand".

Obviously there was no reason to be nervous. Especially after her job-loss Princess wants a firm hand that guides her. A strong shoulder to lean on. She wants assurance that she is loved and the security that I take care of her.

What worries me a bit is, that she actually needs a strong partner. There is no room for me to be weak. I must be strong all the time, so she can be happy.

One step further...

It is now almost two months since things have turned around. Two months since I am head of the house. Two months in which Princess was so eager to fulfill my wishes.

We are two submissive minds. So alike, but yet so different.

I am away from home on a business trip. Enough time to think about my marriage and my feelings. Time to think about my desire to make my wife happy. My desire to surrender my wishes so Princess can have hers.

On the plane I tried to sleep. But instead I fell into this strange state where you are neither asleep nor awake. Vivid sexual fantasies flushed my brain. Incoherent pieces of violent sex with Princess and other women. I was immersed in a world lust without limits. I was feasting in a mental "all you can fuck" buffet. I was not aware of it until I woke up. But all the time, I was strangely aware of my painful erection. It pressed hard against my belly. Its heat radiated through my entire body.

I can't remember how long I slept, but when I woke up I was soaking wet. Fortunately the seat next to me was vacant. My erection would not subside. Only then did I remembered what I had dreamed. I was shocked and confused. I went to the bathroom to restore myself. There I noticed the semen that was dripping from of my penis. I don't think I ever had such a vivid dream.

I spent the rest of the trip thinking about our marriage and I realized that I start to enjoy my role. I enjoy controlling her. I enjoy watching her. I enjoy the pleasure she gets out of being fucked. I enjoy the freedom and control over my own sexuality.

But I also realized that something is still missing. If Princess wants me to be in charge, it should be on my terms. Otherwise it does not feel right. I noticed that as soon as Princess is contradicting any of my wishes, I fall back into submissive mode. I become her servant again. It is the role that I would prefer, but that she does not like.

So if I am to be in charge, I must learn to stand my ground and she must acknowledge my authority. Princess must officially declare her surrender to me as her husband. She must empower me to be her master.

When I arrived at my hotel, I wrote a long email to Princess, essentially writing what I have written here. I told her that I enjoyed the current state, but that I feel unsure how we should continue. Carefully I asked her if she would like to be my "property". If she would be willing to obey my orders, to serve me and to treat me respectfully as her owner. In return I offered her to take full responsibility for her well being.

I read the mail once more and realized how self centered it was. A long list of her duties, what she must do for me without complaint, and how she must demonstrate her submission to me in everyday life. I thought it over. I deleted the mail. Retrieved it again. Thought once more and decided that this is what Princess wants.

After I had sent the mail, I was anxious for her reply. I knew that she does not check her private mail regularly, maybe once a day.
I found her response the next morning. It was short:
"Since you are in charge I am much happier that before. I would love to be your property. You are my life!"

I can't properly describe my first reaction to her clear message. I expected a long letter of mixed statements. The best words to describe my feelings are love and responsibility.

So we are entering a new stage. I am not sure how much of this will work out. And I am also nervous. Will I live up to my part of the promise. Will Princess will keep her part of the deal when we are back in the daily routine?

Right now I am very proud and enjoy my role - more than I expected. For all my friends who try to establish a WLM, this my be encouraging.
Domination can be fun. To see and experience how Princess enjoys it, it is deeply satisfying for me. It makes me proud to serve her this way.

You must learn to trust me

Last night we were lying in bed and Princess started to touch me. I was very aroused. First, because I did not have an orgasms for some time.
But mostly, because she wanted to please me, although she was tired.

I gently stroke her back while she was in my arms.
"You are my little sex toy" I whispered in her ear.
Usually, she responds something affirmative, but not tonight.
She said: "Urmel, tonight I am too tired and exhausted for this kind of games."

-- Ouch!

This turned me off. Although she continued to stimulate me, I did not want to come anymore. I though, if I let her continue, she is ruling and not me. She would not want that. If I come now, my orgasm is wasted. It will be rushed. Neither of us will enjoy it.
Moreover, I thought, if she is not interested in the role she chose for herself, there is no point in going any further.
I had lost all interest in making love and with it my erection.

Princess noticed that I was suddenly limp as a wet cloth and she asked if anything was wrong.
"What you have just said really turned me off. I think we better stop." I answered.

"I am sorry. I am just very tired."

"I will not use you, when you are exhausted like this. If you want me to be in charge, you must learn to trust me. Sleep now!"

She thanked me, kissed me good night and fell asleep at once.

I am glad and proud that I said no although I could have had it. I said no, because I knew it would not be good. Only good sex is the key to more and better sex.

I am responsible that we only have sex when we both enjoy it. Otherwise, we will fall back into old patterns, where Princess perceived sex as a burden.

When we woke up next morning, we were both relaxed and really enjoyed our intimacy.

Our reversal of roles

For the last weeks, I am the head of the bedroom. I decide when we have sex. I decide how we have sex. Whatever I decide, Princess is very eager to please me. You can imagine that we have had a lot of sex lately.

What I don't understand so far is why this works. In the past, we often quarreled about sex. She complained that it was too much. Now we have even more sex and seems very happy with my high sex drive. Suddenly she is so eager to pleasure me that I can't believe it. Why?

Maybe it was our WLM experiment that changed her mind. Maybe my confessions made her think about her own desires. I thought that she wanted to be in control; that she wanted to decide when and how we have sex. Probably my wishes were father of the thought, who knows, but in the end I was wrong. Our WLM experiment lasted only four months. Princess did not like it.

Maybe there is another reason as well. In the past, I was always very polite when it came to sex: "Would you like to make love?" or "Would you like blow me?". I was very defensive. And the more problems we had, the more defensive and I became.
"Please let us make love."
In the end I was begging more than anything else. And the more I begged, the less sex we had. I guess she was simply put off by this. The problem was not the amount of sex, but the amount of begging.

Recently Princess told me that in bed she doesn't want to be asked. So now I just tell her what I want: "Tonight I will use you" or "Suck me until I come." She seems to get most of her satisfaction from giving me pleasure. Of course I must make sure that she gets what she needs. But I must be very subtle, because she doesn't want me to do something for her pleasure only. She needs the feeling that I take her for my pleasure only. If I ask her whether she likes what we are doing, I destroy this feeling.
Princess needs to be fucked. I know that now. So I fuck her often. Much more often than before and much harder than before.

Princess has become my sex toy and she tells me she loves it. But like with every toy, I must take care not to break it. I am responsible for her and she trusts me. Being responsible means that I must put her well being before my mine. If she is too tired, I must decide that we won't have sex, even if I wanted it. Being responsible means that I know her well enough to know her limits. I can push these limits, but I must know where to stop. I must also decide when we don't have sex and these are the most difficult decisions. Self-control and patience are not my virtues. She makes it easy to control her, but is much harder to control myself.

We will never live a wife-led marriage

I have not posted for some time. In fact I was not sure whether I should continue this blog.

I started this blog to sort out my thoughts and to write about my attempt to transform my marriage into a wife led marriage. Writing helped me, but your comments and advice helped me even more. They helped me through periods of doubt and encouraged me to continue. I am very grateful for that.

A wife-led marriage is my dream. I want to show my love and devotion by submitting to the woman I love. It excites me. It arouses me. It stirs something deep inside me. I wished Princess would rule and guide me.

But as strong as this wish may be, I don't depend on it. I am strong enough to live my live without being guided and controlled.

This is where Princess and I differ. During our short wife-led period, we have discovered that Princess needs my emotional strength. She needs my guidance and support. Without it, she says, she won't be able to live her life. It no sexual desire, it is an emotional need. She is weaker than I am. I don't need force to break her, she does it on her own. So I must re-build her every day. My optimism and my emotional strength fuel her well-being. If I withdraw it from her, she suffers.

I have accepted that we will never live a wife-led marriage. My mission has changed. I must lead. I must be strong. But though I may have lost a battle, we are winning a war. Our marriage has grown stronger and our love is deeper than before.

Maybe this is reason enough to continue this blog...

Her Master's Voice

I think it is established now, that my wife is at least as submissive as I am. In bed, she wants to be dominated. She wants to be used. She wants to be forced.

For me this is a difficult situation for I am submissive as well. But when Princess feels better this way, I will do as she wishes. It is my mission to serve her and to make her happy, even if it means to change my role from bottom to top.

I asked Princess what she wants.
"I prefer to be your slave, rather than the other way around"

So I became her master. Her conscious and careful master. I watch her even more than before, to understand her moods and anticipate her desires. Then I act. And when I act, I won't let her stop me. I do what I determined to do.

Her reaction was amazing. I can't remember the last time we had so much passionate sex in a week. But every time, I made sure that I was not carried away by my own desires. I made sure that I cater the needs of my Princess as well. She does not need an orgasm each time, but she needs to be fucked, hard and long. She needs to feel me in her and on top of her. Then she'll be wax in my hands and obey to whatever I command.

One night, I decided that we don't have sex. I wanted to give her a rest. I was in bed reading, when Princess came in. She was tired from a long day at work. It was obvious. But she was a good girl and undressed entirely, and joined me in bed. Ready to be used. I put my arm around her and told her to sleep. She thanked me and we cuddled and talked.
I whispered in her ear that she is now my property and that she exists solely for my pleasure. She pressed her naked body against mine and started to touch me. It was a wonderful gesture of devotion.
"Take me in your mouth and suck me!" I commanded. She obeyed. She took me deep into her mouth and sucked me with passionately. After I while, she sat up and massaged my wet cock. I could feel my orgasm coming.
"Suck me, until I come in your mouth" I ordered and immediately she took me in her mouth again. When I came soon after that, she continued licking, slowly and gentle.
"Good girl" I said. There was no question that apart from my orgasm this was her only reward.

When we make love, it turns me on to be dominant and forceful. But outside the bedroom I find it difficult to keep up Her Master's Voice.

This week I was reminded again and again on At All Times' post from a while ago.
How hard can it be?
How hard can it be to put on a dominant tone?
How hard can it be to order instead of asking?

It is difficult. Very difficult. I've tried.

It is difficult, because our emotions result from what we do. The psychologist William James formulated this idea over 100 years ago.
Our emotions follow our actions rather than the other way around.
We don't smile because we are happy, but we are happy, because we smile.
We don't cry and tremble, because we are sad, but we are sad because we cry and tremble.
Try it out. Smile and you will feel immediately feel happier.

When I am kind and affectionate to Princess, I feel good. I feel love and I feel lust. But when I boss her around and when I put on a strict and unfriendly voice, my emotions change according to what I am doing. I start to feel the way I behave. I don't feel good anymore. I don't feel erotic. It turns me off.

I think it is a good exercise for all submissive men to switch roles once in a while. In particular, when you cannot understand why your wife is not doing to you what you desire and wish for. Just try it out for one week. For me this week was an eye-opener. I now understand why my wife refused to be more demanding, forceful and, well, unfriendly to me. Unless you are in a sexual mood, it simply drags you down.

Subbing from the top

In my previous posts I have mentioned, that our sex life has been a bit dormant lately. Mainly because Princess has been working so much that she was too exhausted for nearly everything.

Well, last Friday I again expected a quiet night. I was kneeling in bed next to princess, gently caressing her back. She had closed her eyes and slowly drifted away, obviously enjoying my touch. And I was content as well, because I could please my Princess. In a second, she would turn around, kiss me good night, and fall asleep. Tomorrow morning she would weak up, relaxed and awake, and we would make passionate love for the first time in days.

Then, to my surprise, I felt her hand on my penis, lightly stroking me through my underwear. Within seconds I was hard. I undressed and straddled her, so that she could access me better. It was heaven and very excited.

She masturbated me with slow, but steady strokes, her other hand firmly cupping my balls. She knew how excited I was and increased her pace. I tried to relax, so that I don't come to early, but after two more stokes, I could not hold back any longer. Just a minute after she started, I had to concede. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the force of my orgasm.
When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised by the amount of cum on her chest.

After I cleaned up, she put her head on my chest. I felt the need to apologize, because I came so quickly and that I did not service her in any way.

"Don't be sorry," she said, "I love it when you can't control yourself. And I love when you come on me".
There it was again. Does she want me to dominate her? I did not comment on this, but enjoyed the moment of love and closeness. I gently caressed her while I relaxed.
But Princess was now awake and wanted to talk. So we talked. We talked about our days at work, the kids, well, we talked about everything.

Eventually our conversation turned back to sex, or rather the recent lack of it. Princess stressed how much she suffers when we don't make love often enough. And she thanked me for being so patient. I took this opportunity to see if she wants me to take more initiative, because she has mentioned this a couple of times. So I said "I missed you as well, in fact I was having rape fantasies." Maybe this was a bit drastic, but I wanted to probe how dominant she would like me to be. I expected her to scold me for being so inconsiderate and tasteless.

But instead, she smiled and said "So next time rape me!"
"Are you serious?", I inquired
"Yes, next time you are horny, don't listen to me, just take me and fuck me."
"Ok", I said.
And then we made love. Long and passionately. Since I had just cum, I lasted long. I fucked her hard, for I knew that she wanted it and needed it.
When I finally came, she held me very tight, her fingers digging deep into my flesh.

I was sure that Princess now wanted me to pleasure her as well, but she denied and said she was fully satisfied and ready to sleep. So we did.

The rest of the weekend was different from the previous ones. Princess did not boss me around . No orders. No commands. Instead, she was very eager to do her share of the household chores. We made love several times more, in the mornings and in the evenings, making up for the lost opportunities.

Sexually, it was a very satisfying weekend, but I feel that we are moving away from a wife-led marriage towards the opposite. Princess is subbing from the top so to speak, and I am not sure how to react. Maybe I am a switch, maybe it is easier to change myself, then it is to change her....

But am I prepared to play the dominant role?

Confused

I am a bit confused at the moment by the way things develop in our marriage. There is progress both inside and outside the bedroom.

In daily life, Princess is getting more and more dominant. By now she is constantly bossing me around. She expects me to take care of the kids and the house without being asked. No more polite phrases. Just orders. Friendly, but direct. And she scolds me whenever she is displeased with my performance. Immediately, without any consideration that she may hurt my feelings.

Even when we have visitors, she instructs me to serve her and our guest. Even when I have guests, she will sit down with them and have me do all the work. She will say things like
"Urmel will serve dinner at 6" or
"Don't forget to start dinner soon, I'm hungry" or
"Urmel, drive our guest to the station."

My wife is obviously and openly taking charge of our life(s) and of mine. She enjoys the control. She enjoys that she needn't be polite with me. It is liberating for her to just say what she thinks and wants.

Now all these things are reasons to be happy. My strategy is working. Or is it.

I did not mention how our intimate life is developing. Quite the opposite actually. Despite the exciting interlude of her dominating me, she does not like to be dominant in bed. Whenever I am a bit forceful or passionate, she emphasizes how much it turns her on. She encourages me to be dominant. And obviously she uses the same strategy on me that I use on her! Positive reinforcement.

Last night she was tired and apologized for not being in the mood for sex. She put her head on my chest and we cuddled. I thought I give it a try and said:
"What a pity, i was feeling very dominant tonight. You like when I am dominant, don't you?"
She nodded and pressed herself against me. She was like a little girl in daddies arms.
I held her very tight, grabbed her hips and butt. I could feel that she was getting turned on, but since I knew that she was tired, I stopped and announced "Good night, Princess".

So what is this now? sub by day, Dom by night?

Where are you?

I am a bit deprived lately.
The following verses came to my mind.

I just see you working
And when you're here,
tired, exhausted,
you're still not near

Without you I'm hungry
Like a beast in a cage
I'm running in circles,
trying to escape

For something inside me
is primal and dark,
It feeds on my pride
and feeds on my joy

Without your love
it grows stronger and stronger
slowly, so slowly
it eats me alive

Manifesto

Rika tells us that many men confuse submission with regression. I would go a step further. Many men, including me, don't want to submit, they want to be suppressed (aka dominated).

There is a big difference between submission and being dominated. Submission is a mind-set of the sub or slave. Domination is the mind-set of the mistress. So when we say wife-led or female-led, we focus on the mind set of the woman rather than on our own. For this reason, I like these terms less and less. They emphasize what the wife/female should do for her partner rather than what we can do.

I want to submit to my wife without conditions. I can just do it, I don't depend on her! What a wonderful feeling! I am an independent slave!

This is not stealth submission, because she knows about my feelings. She appreciates what I do and feel for her. We have agreed that I am the property of my wife. She can do with me what she wants. Whatever she decides, I want to be happy with it. As her property, who am I to question her?

Submitting to my wife is about her. What can I do for her? The typical answer is: Do all the chores and all the work around the house. But the true answer is more complex. Cleaning the house and doing all the chores may be necessary, but it is not sufficient! After all, I submit to her and not to the house.

First of all, a good slave must anticipate the personal and emotional needs of his mistress. He has to feel what she is feeling. Is she tired and needs rest and comfort, or is she is in the mood for play? The slave must act and behave according to her feelings and emotions. This is more important and more difficult than just being a domestic servant. He has to let go of his own pride and ambitions in favor of hers. He must put her emotional needs and desires above and before his own. On the long run, this can only work if her pleasure become his joy; if my satisfaction depends only on her well being. This is what submission is about.

So my quest has changed. I no longer want to turn my marriage into a "wife lead" marriage. My new goal is to become the perfect slave of my wife through constant self-improvement.

There are three areas where I want to improve:

1. Self-control. Like a monk who devotes his body and soul to God, I want to devote my body and soul to my Goddess. I want to learn how to concentrate just on her and drive all other thoughts and desires from my mind.
   
2. House and family. I strive to free my wife of all unwanted tasks to give her more time for herself and for us.
3. Bed. I strive to become a better lover for my wife. I learn her preferences and anticipate her desires.
   

This was my manifesto for the last weeks. Since then, I have been very careful when I mentioned my wish to submit. I have only mentioned it to motivate why I was doing something for her. I am very happy with my new manifesto, because I no longer depend on her dominating me. If she does, fine. If she doesn't, also fine.

The biggest change for me is of course sexually. I was used to push my preferences and now I try to exclusively cater her needs. In my previous post I reported that I have to learn a lot before I can fully give in to my wife. But I know that I can learn to let go of my selfish thoughts and appreciate that her way is the better way.

What is more important is that my wife is also happy with my new approach. She needn't worry anymore whether she fits my stereotype of a good mistress. She can just do as she likes. This freedom allows her to embrace as much of her new role as she likes. She is free to define the word mistress for herself. And indeed she does.

Ups and downs

Shortly before Christmas, my wife had broken her arm and since then, she was unable to use it. The interesting side effect of this was, that I had to do all of the work around the house and my wife had to sit and watch. I am sure that this period helped her to appreciate her new role as head of the house. On Monday, after five long weeks, the cast was removed and I was curious to see what will happen. Will she fall back into her old behavior of doing most work around the house?

Monday evening, she resumed an old habit that she could not practice because of her broken arm. When we went to bed, she told me to strip and lie down. She then sat between my legs, still fully dressed and gave me a mind blowing blow job.

Shortly before I reached climax, she sat up and stroked my slowly with her hands. I did not know whether she would deny me or not, until she said "Come for me!". This sent me over the edge and she watched with pleasure how I made a mess of myself. What a great start of the week!

The following two days were uneventful. Princess was too tired to lead and too tired for intimacy. Every night, she just said good night and turned around to sleep.

Thursday was the day of our planned our romantic evening. I had high expectations, because not much had happened during the week. All day, I thought of something special for my Princess. Something that she would enjoy. But I had a hard day at work, so I decided to just pamper her in every possible way.

When I got home, my son still had homework to do. And when it was time for our kids to go to bed, he was still not done. I was tired from the day and probably too strict with him. So my attempts to speed him up ended in an argument. Nothing serious, but and argument still. My wife came later than usual and arrived just in time for the showdown between the father and his six year old son.

After the kids were in bed, my wife retired to the living room and watched TV. I finished cleaning the kitchen and joined my wife. She did not speak with me during the entire evening. Later in bed, I asked whether she was upset at something.

What followed was a scolding like I have not received before, or at least not since I was a boy:

"You are not up to this!" she shouted "When I come home from work, I don't want to find a family at war! I am too tired to put up with you in this state! You should be ashamed at how you shouted at our poor son."

And so it went on for 15 minutes or more. I did not object nor did I argue. She was right. I was tired and had lost my temper. I told her that she was right. She did not answer.

There was a long silence. It felt awful. I felt awful! But at the same time I admired her. She was so strong and dominant. So beautiful. I felt the strong desire to be punished. I thought "give me good spanking and we will both feel better." I struggled whether I should tell her to punish me, or whether it will make things worse. After a long pause, I finally mustered the courage to tell her that she may punish me if she wished.

That was a mistake. Even as I spoke, I could feel the temperature drop far below the freezing point. She was furious. "Be careful", she said, "there is only a thin line between submitting and being despised. I have married a strong man and I need somebody to lean on." Her voice was strong and firm. She expected me to listen and obey. Her final words were something like "If you want me to decide, that's fine with me, but I won't have any role-plays outside the bedroom."

Needless to say that I was scared. Did I go to far? Did I break the very foundations our marriage is build on?

I spent the next day thinking about what had happened. If my wife does not want a wife-led marriage, I will respect that and stop my campaign. I bought her a big bouquet of flowers and decided to talk with her after the kids are in bed.

My wife arrived later than usual. When I gave her the flowers she was deeply moved. We kissed passionately and then she asked: "Didn't you get my e-mail?" "No, which e-mail?" - "I sent you a mail to apologize for last night and when you did not reply I was worried that you don't want to talk to me anymore." Now I was surprised. We kissed again and I told her that there was no reason for her to apologize. At night, we made love - it was wonderful.

When I woke up on Saturday, she was already awake. I started to kiss her - her cheeks, her neck. I wanted to be slow and tender. When I reached her breasts, she put her hand on my head and pushed me down. I was thrilled. She has never done something like this before! So I went down and pleasured her with my mouth. And to my great delight she used her pelvis to direct me to the right places. Also for the first time. She had me pleasure her for a long time and did not rush like so often. And when she finally gave me the signal to make her come, my mouth and tongue were sore and my erection painful.

After her orgasm she turned her back on me and relaxed. She had really used me for her pleasure. For a while, I had the impression she fell asleep again. It looked like she was going to deny me. I was about to get up, when she finally invited me to make love. I was more than happy to comply, but I was so excited that I came within seconds. It was bliss.

Then came breakfast and with it another surprise. My wife was telling our kids how to behave properly at the table and if they did not follow the rules, she would punish them. Then she added "and if Daddy doesn't follow the rules, I will punish him as well."

This was of course a joke. But it was significant, because she demonstrated her role as head of the family. Later the day she once more joked about punishing me if I misbehaved. She did not notice my erection.

After the kids were in bed, we had our romantic evening. I pampered her like I had planned on Thursday. We also found time to talk about our argument. I asked her if she despised me for being submissive, to which she replied:

"No of course not. I love you and you may serve me."

While we were talking, she was lying on the couch, while I was sitting on the floor next to her. I told her that I would like to be naked while she is dressed.

"Then undress!" she ordered me. I was in heaven. Just to make sure that she did not misinterpret this, I said: "You don't have to do anything, we can just sit and talk."

To this she smiled and said "I don't intend to do anything. You will fuck me now."

Whow! How long have I be waiting for something like this? But I don't know why, I was foolish enough to ask her "May I lick you before I do that?" She agreed. So I went down on her, but soon she made it clear that she wanted me. While we were making love, I continued to talk about our new type of relationship. How stupid of me, but Princess was very patient today. I tried to last longer, but she ordered me to come. When we make love, she wants me to be her unrestrained animal.

Later she told me that I should not talk so much during sex. She was very kind and gentle, like a mother to her child: "When we make love, don't tell me about all the other things you want to do. Just fuck me."

I replied that these were the only times when we could actually talk about sex and I promised not to do it again. Then she smiled at me and said "And never lick me when I tell you to fuck me." I am such an idiot!

The weekend continued to be wonderful. Sunday night, I was scolded once more, but this time for not doing the laundry the right way. Princess thought it was still too damp for the closet. So I spent the evening ironing, while she was chatting with her friend on the phone. Later, she apologized for being so strict, and again I told her that it is her right to so. In bed, I held her in my arms while she caressed me for a long time. I did not expect any intimacy, because we had plenty of sex in the morning and during the weekend. But when I expected her to turn around she started to touch me. With slow and tender strokes, she made me hot. She got up and kissed the tip of my penis while slowly stroking it. Then she took me deep into her mouth. Then out again. It was heaven. Her strokes became faster, now moving hand and mouth. I was desperate to come. She moved up again, my penis slowly sliding out of her mouth. Another kiss on my purple tip and then she drop it. My erection was throbbing helplessly.

"Do you want me to leave you like this, or should I continue?" she asked.

"Do what you want to do"

"Then I will leave you like this. Good night"

I wanted to beg her to continue, but this time I resisted. Instead I asked "How do you feel about this?"

She answered: "I don't need sex as often as you do, so I have no problem to deny you occasionally."

Desperate

I have made it a habit to encourage my wife to make decisions and to remind her that she is my boss and the head of the family. If she asks me to do something I will stop what I am doing to execute her wish. When there is something to decide, I let her do it. Of course I will give her my opinion, but without implying a decision. This very hard at times, in particular if the decision seems obvious.

Recently, I observe that our relation is changing. There is an obvious shift in power, caused by my submission. My wife is more assertive than she used to be. She expresses her ideas and opinions with more self-confidence than before. She gets used to having the last word and I think by now she even expects it. She also gives me more assignments than before and expects me to execute them.

So my wife is assuming a more dominant role in our marriage and I she seems to enjoy it. But she is still far from being dominant. When she wants something done, she says it politely. The biggest improvement is that her questions have become statements. For example, she used to say something like "When you have time, would you mind bringing out the garbage?" Now she will simply state :"When you are finished with your food, please bring out the garbage." Usually, I will react immediately to encourage her to continue.

It is also important to my wife that I am not the only one who is doing house work. For example last night. While I was preparing our kids for bed, she vacuumed the apartment. Later, when I was ironing and she insisted on selecting and handing me the next piece of clothing. I guess, it takes more time before she enjoys the new freedom and relaxes on the couch while I do the work.

Our intimate life has definitely improved since I started my campaign. We actually make love more often than before, but now she initiates it. She decides if, when, and what we do in bed. I have no vote in the bedroom.

Last weekend, we made love three times. Every time, she insisted that I have an orgasm. When I tried to stop, she got very upset and scolded me: "I want you to cum when we make love. You told me that my pleasure comes first. You come for my pleasure, not yours! I will deny you at other times."

She did deny me during the week. She teased me Sunday night. More aggressive and forceful than ever. She gently stroke my erection, barely touching it. She did this for a long time. She knew that after a wile I like a firm grip, but she continued gently. Then, when I was not expecting it anymore, she took me deep into her mouth and quickly sucked be to the brink of orgasm. Then she stopped and kissed me passionately while firmly grabbing my balls. She kept her grip and started to bite my neck. I could feel her passion. It was all for her. Then she took me in her mouth again deep and slow. I was about to explode. I could feel that she wanted me to cum in her mouth and I would not resist. Suddenly, she got up and put on her pyjamas. I was floating. I was desperate.

"Did I stop too abruptly?" she asked after she got dressed. My head was dizzy, my mouth was too dry to answer . "Perfect", I croaked finally.

"Good! I only want to be sure that you are happy."
"I am! More than ever."

The next evening, she teased me again, and again she stopped when I was close to orgasm. But this time it was too much for me. I was desperate. After a few sleepless minutes in the dark, I begged her to continue. Without an answer, she turned around and finished me off. It took her less than a minute. Then, without another word, she switched off the light and turned around to slept. I had to clean up the mess in the dark. I felt so humiliated. First, because I begged and second because of the clinical routine and efficiency with which she did it. It was a clear message that she did not appreciate it.

I wished that she had said "No".