Shame on me

It is interesting how our expectations determine how we perceive an event or episode in our life. I am saying this, because of the nice comments I received on my last post.
In fact, during this episode, I could not fully enjoy the beauty of the moment, because I was so occupied with my own "script" for the session. I was constantly evaluating what Princess was doing. It is like watching a great movie and some voice inside your head keeps asking "how did they do this?".

Shame on me!

In retrospect, I realize that Princess is doing everything to please me. All she needs is an occasional night off, but all I am giving her is the feeling that she is not giving me enough!

Shame on me!

Today I read S's nice list of chores and I realized that Princess is doing much of this for me! How couldn't I notice?

For example, last Sunday she took both our kids out and I had the day just for me. It was the first time in months that I had the flat and the day just for me. I cleaned up a bit and then went for a nice long tour with my bicycle. But at the moment, I did not realize that Princess had arranged this for me. The original plan was that my son went to a birthday party of a friend. But then the friend's mother asked Princess to help out. Princess could just have gone, leaving our daughter with me. Instead, she took her along as well, giving me a day off.

Later, at night, she took initiative and gave me a wonderful blow-job. It was special, because she was obviously enjoying it as much as I did. She actually told me not to direct her in any way, because she wanted to "explore her desires". And this she did thoroughly.

Just before I came, she pulled away to watch me during my most private moment. And after I had recovered a bit, she reached for the tissues and cleaned me. She did it so tenderly and full of love, like a mother cleans her baby.

Is it possible that she wants to please me and to be at my service and that I simply don't know how to handle this?
I must re-focus on her desires - not so much on what I can do for her, but rather what I can be for her.

What are your fantasies?

I have lots of sexual fantasies. Some of them are very common others maybe not. For example, I am submissive. I dream about being dominated, humiliated, spanked, displayed and used, and many other things in this direction. I also have a dominant side. I love it when my wife kneels before me and blows me until I come in her mouth. I also have many fantasies where I am a submissive girl who is used and humiliated my many men.

During our marriage, I have told Princess many of my fantasies. She also knows most of my sexual desires and preferences. This is good for me. She can bring me to orgasm within seconds. Anytime. Anywhere. She just knows. I am so grateful.

But I can't recall that we ever talked about her fantasies. Shame on me! Her preferences? I am not sure. The only feedback I get are her orgasms. I think she prefers the missionary position and so far her only orgasms have been oral. If she is relaxed, she likes intimacy. If not, forget it. But that's about it.

So now, after almost 15 years of intimacy, I want to get to know her. Her secret thoughts and desires. Her fantasies. But I have no idea how.

The other night I asked:
"Is there something that arouses you? Something besides kissing and touching?"

Her first response was the reflex, her typical response if she feels pressured:

"To enjoy sex, I need to be relaxed and in the mood"

"I know Princess. Let's assume you are relaxed. So what, besides kissing and touching, will bring you into the mood?"

"I like intelligent erotica or well made movies."

This is a start. I still don't know about her preferences, but I can look for some erotica and read it to her (any recommendations?).

But what about fantasies? I actually don't know whether she has sexual fantasies. If I ask her, she we will say something like:

"I think about us making love."

This is not a fantasy but a memory, right?

I must admit that I use most of my fantasies to masturbate. So maybe Princess does the same?

I have asked her many times:

"Princess, what do you think about when you masturbate?"

"I don't masturbate."

"You don't? Why not?

"I feel silly, and besides, why should I masturbate if I have you?"

Then she grins and the subject is closed. The only time I know where she has masturbated was during a phone call when I was out of the country for several weeks. But even then it took one hour of phone sex to get her in the mood.

Fortunately, she is more willing to share her sexual desires since I started to concentrate on her pleasure. When we made love last night, she told me what to do:

"when we make love I don't want you to hold back. I love it when you are wild and out of control."

"You want me to be wild like an animal"

"Oh yes!"

So I we made lov....., no, well, I fucked her hard and wild. She wanted it, she got it. Of course I held back my orgasm. But she didn't care, because she wanted to be fucked for a long time. I had to muster all my strength not to come early. When she finally moaned "Come for me!" I came instantly.

Can I be the rough lover and feel submissive at the same time? I think yes. It's the classic story of Beauty and the Beast.

Desperate

I have made it a habit to encourage my wife to make decisions and to remind her that she is my boss and the head of the family. If she asks me to do something I will stop what I am doing to execute her wish. When there is something to decide, I let her do it. Of course I will give her my opinion, but without implying a decision. This very hard at times, in particular if the decision seems obvious.

Recently, I observe that our relation is changing. There is an obvious shift in power, caused by my submission. My wife is more assertive than she used to be. She expresses her ideas and opinions with more self-confidence than before. She gets used to having the last word and I think by now she even expects it. She also gives me more assignments than before and expects me to execute them.

So my wife is assuming a more dominant role in our marriage and I she seems to enjoy it. But she is still far from being dominant. When she wants something done, she says it politely. The biggest improvement is that her questions have become statements. For example, she used to say something like "When you have time, would you mind bringing out the garbage?" Now she will simply state :"When you are finished with your food, please bring out the garbage." Usually, I will react immediately to encourage her to continue.

It is also important to my wife that I am not the only one who is doing house work. For example last night. While I was preparing our kids for bed, she vacuumed the apartment. Later, when I was ironing and she insisted on selecting and handing me the next piece of clothing. I guess, it takes more time before she enjoys the new freedom and relaxes on the couch while I do the work.

Our intimate life has definitely improved since I started my campaign. We actually make love more often than before, but now she initiates it. She decides if, when, and what we do in bed. I have no vote in the bedroom.

Last weekend, we made love three times. Every time, she insisted that I have an orgasm. When I tried to stop, she got very upset and scolded me: "I want you to cum when we make love. You told me that my pleasure comes first. You come for my pleasure, not yours! I will deny you at other times."

She did deny me during the week. She teased me Sunday night. More aggressive and forceful than ever. She gently stroke my erection, barely touching it. She did this for a long time. She knew that after a wile I like a firm grip, but she continued gently. Then, when I was not expecting it anymore, she took me deep into her mouth and quickly sucked be to the brink of orgasm. Then she stopped and kissed me passionately while firmly grabbing my balls. She kept her grip and started to bite my neck. I could feel her passion. It was all for her. Then she took me in her mouth again deep and slow. I was about to explode. I could feel that she wanted me to cum in her mouth and I would not resist. Suddenly, she got up and put on her pyjamas. I was floating. I was desperate.

"Did I stop too abruptly?" she asked after she got dressed. My head was dizzy, my mouth was too dry to answer . "Perfect", I croaked finally.

"Good! I only want to be sure that you are happy."
"I am! More than ever."

The next evening, she teased me again, and again she stopped when I was close to orgasm. But this time it was too much for me. I was desperate. After a few sleepless minutes in the dark, I begged her to continue. Without an answer, she turned around and finished me off. It took her less than a minute. Then, without another word, she switched off the light and turned around to slept. I had to clean up the mess in the dark. I felt so humiliated. First, because I begged and second because of the clinical routine and efficiency with which she did it. It was a clear message that she did not appreciate it.

I wished that she had said "No".

Lost orgasm

Last night my wife was caressing me in bed. She often does it when she is tired and feels that I need some attention. Wonderful, isn't she. Since my confession, she started to tease and deny me. I told her that I don't want to know whether she will let me cum or not.
The first few times, I told her when I was near the point of no return, but she soon learned to read the signs and now I can just relax and enjoy.

Last night, she started slowly. Her finger tips barely touching my penis. She knows that this makes it very sensitive. Then she grabbed me and increased her pace until I was near the edge. Just in time, she slowed down, again barely touching me with just one finger. Time to relax and enjoy.

She repeated this a number of times. Always bringing me close to orgasm and then stopping just before the point. The intervals between stimulation and rest became shorter and shorter. So at some point, I was floating at the edge of orgasm. It was wonderful. My mind drifted. My body was an erection. What else do you want to be?

Then it happened. She stopped just a bit too late. For what seemed like an eternity, I was at the edge, not knowing whether I will cum or not. I felt like a rope artist who desperately tries to maintain his balance. One mistake and you fall. And I did.

It was one of my involuntary contractions that gave me the rest. My penis became even harder than before. It was ready to shoot its load. But a forceful orgasm needs persistent stimulation. So instead of a mighty orgasm, I could feel the helpless spasms of my dying erection. Within a few seconds my penis had shriveled and I could feel my cum leaking out on my belly.

When my wife realized what had happened, she resumed her stimulation, but it was too late. I had ejaculated without pleasure. Interestingly, after a few minutes, my erection was back and stayed for the rest of the night.

My wife apologized, but I told her that there was no reason. I told her that I had actually fantasized about this many times. She was surprised. So let's see whether this will become part of her tease and deny repertoire. I think I would have enjoyed it much more if my wife had done it on purpose.

Before I started this post, I saw that something similar happened to the author of one of my favorite blogs. So I wonder how many orgasms are ruined on this planet every minute...

Orgasm control

Orgasm control seems to be a central part of a WLM. The wife takes full control (and responsibility) over her husbands sexuality. She decides if, when, and how the lover is allowed to have an orgasm. She can use her power to redirect her husbands attention away from his own pleasure towards hers. Her pleasure comes first and she should have considerably more orgasms than him. The wife can also use his orgasms to gratify or punish him for good or bad behavior. If his performance is not satisfactory, he must wait for some more days, before his pressure is released. The women literally owns her man's sexuality. Of course this is a big turn-on for submissive men.

But I think there is something else that makes Orgasm Control so appealing for men, despite the deprivation and frustration that comes with it.

Orgasm Control turns around the traditional roles in which the men advance the women for mating.
Men have high-paced hormonal clocks that dictate them to ejaculate regularly. So a man must take the initiative. Women have their own hormonal clock. It is, in my experience, slower and not primarily tuned to maximize reproductive output. In the blissful days of a young love, a woman will often give in to the advances of her man, but once these days have passed, she will listen to her inner clock. She will reject him, if she is not in the mood. We all know this too well.

For us men, the female lust cycle is an unpredictable mystery, a prime source of frustration. So wouldn't it be wonderful to reverse this situation? Wouldn't it be so much easier if men could just ignore their inner clocks and simply wait for the mating call of the female? And if your hear her divine whistle, you just obey her desires, fueled by your accumulated lust. Now the woman initiates sex and the husband is more than happy to obey. No more rejections and more attention. I think this is what many men hope to get when they submit their sexuality to their wives.

Of course I love the idea of Orgasm Control and I discussed this with my Princess. Her reaction was positive; she would give it a try. Now some weeks have passed and, as you may guess from my previous posts, we are not there. I discussed with my Princess why she is reluctant.

My wife was very honest: "There is nothing in it for me that I don't have now. So why should I deny you any orgasms?"

First, she said, that I already did most of the work around the house. We are both working, and since my hours are more flexible working than hers, I take care of the kids and most of the house-work. "Why should I motivate you to do any more? If I do, you will be too tired to be useful."

Second, my wife wants my orgasms. She loves to watch me at the moment of highest pleasure. She wants to see how I spurt. All this is important for her and orgasm control would take a lot of it away. She also enjoys my uninhibited lust. She does not like it if I delay my orgasm. In fact, she often encourages me to come as quickly as I want or need. After I am done, she is usually content. Of course this it also a big turn-on for me. I am her toy and she takes pleasure from watching me. But it runs counter to the idea of Orgasm Control.

So from my wife's point of view, there is no incentive for controlling my orgasms. This leaves me with the question of how I can convince her to doing it anyway. Currently my hope is that our developing WLM will make her more demanding and that she will eventually start controlling (i.e. denying) my orgasms.