I have not posted for some time. In fact I was not sure whether I should continue this blog.
I started this blog to sort out my thoughts and to write about my attempt to transform my marriage into a wife led marriage. Writing helped me, but your comments and advice helped me even more. They helped me through periods of doubt and encouraged me to continue. I am very grateful for that.
A wife-led marriage is my dream. I want to show my love and devotion by submitting to the woman I love. It excites me. It arouses me. It stirs something deep inside me. I wished Princess would rule and guide me.
But as strong as this wish may be, I don't depend on it. I am strong enough to live my live without being guided and controlled.
This is where Princess and I differ. During our short wife-led period, we have discovered that Princess needs my emotional strength. She needs my guidance and support. Without it, she says, she won't be able to live her life. It no sexual desire, it is an emotional need. She is weaker than I am. I don't need force to break her, she does it on her own. So I must re-build her every day. My optimism and my emotional strength fuel her well-being. If I withdraw it from her, she suffers.
I have accepted that we will never live a wife-led marriage. My mission has changed. I must lead. I must be strong. But though I may have lost a battle, we are winning a war. Our marriage has grown stronger and our love is deeper than before.
Maybe this is reason enough to continue this blog...
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5 comments:
I am sorry to hear that you may never fulfill your dream and live in a WLM. It almost sounds impossible that you can change your basic desire, and become the leader rather than the led.
Whatever happens I wish you all the best, and would like to hear how things progress for you both.
Thanks for your encouragement AAT. I shall continue this blog, because it helped me so far and I hope it will do so in the future.
Urmel, my friend, it takes testicular fortitude to admit failure. It was a nice dream, but not to be fully realizable. I think that you can still have some of it in view of your mutual love. You can still receive her attention in limited contexts, such as in the bedroom. A loving mate will do that for you, while you provide your strength at other times. Life is real, whereas fantasies are, at best, limited. I wish you well.
I don't wish to give you unrealistic hope but the suggestion in a previous comment that dominating your wife and getting her to play the role you want to play might stimulate her to reciprocate might in fact have some value.
I know that as I have had my submissive needs met that my dominant side now demands to be heard. Where previously I could not have dominated my husband now I am all too eager too (shame we are divorced!!!). For many women we are so conditioned to be submissive that only truly suffering submission liberates the wild and demanding one inside us.
SP&doll, thanks for your suggestions. I will of course try to see what is possible. For now, it is important for me to find out what Princess really wants. Our little WLM interlude helped her to come to terms with her own desires and fantasies. We have to see where this will lead us.
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