Thoughts

Princess now has a number of opportunities for a new job and her mood has improved accordingly.

I am now working out in the gym every other day and I am surprised how much energy I gain from this. Not only my physical, but also my mental strength seems to grow. It is much easier for me to handle the psychological ups and downs of my Princess.
At the same time, Princess is enjoying my new strength. She was the first to notice that I am much more patient and less moody since I started working out. Several times she mentioned that she is taking strength from my calm and (self-)confident behavior.

Some of you have commented, that Princess and I could take turns in leading our marriage, but as I see it now, there is little chance that this will work.

She sometimes reminds me of a little girl who needs the presence of her father to feel save. She does not want to be bossed around, she just needs to know that he is there to protect her. In his presence she can start to explore the world. But without him, she feels lost and alone.

In our bedroom things are improving as well. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, Princess enjoys a long and steady ... well ... fuck. In the past, I did not realize this, because I came far to quickly. Before she could "heat up", I was already cold again.
But now I get better and better in delaying my orgasm. I can now take her for such a long time that she is close to orgasm. Then, when I lick her she will climax almost immediately. I am not sure whether she is able to come from intercourse alone, but I can try.

Update II

I have decided to post more on my thought as I go through the day.

As I mentioned before, Princess is going through a very difficult phase. Being out of job drains a lot of her self confidence. Every evening when I come home from work, we spend one or two our just talking. With every sentence I can feel her self esteem coming back to life. This is of course encouraging, but it only last for the evening. The next day, we start from scratch. And as you can imagine, discussing the same things and the same arguments every night can become quite unnerving. I find it very difficult.

Sexually, there is no way I can demand anything from her right now. We are intimate every other day, but often it feels like she is just doing me to do me a favor. The funny thing is that mostly she initiates sex. That's why it is so difficult to tell her to relax. She then feels rejected. I am not complaining about too much sex, but I have the impression that Princess would feel better with a bit less.

There are also positive developments. A few weeks ago I started to work out in a local gym to improve my health and my body shape. I am now going three times a week. Working our, or any type of physical activity has a tremendous effect on me. I am more awake, more enthusiastic and much more balanced than before. Princess now want to start working out as well and I am sure that this will be good for her as well. First, she will get out of the house and second, regular exercise will put her mind on something new and hopefully will push her out of her lethargy.

Update

Like every other marriage, ours is progressing too. Princess is still out of job and this situation puts considerable strain on our relationship.

There is practically no other subject. Every evening, we discuss job opportunities and why this or that did not work out. For the last two month, sex has become a very minor issue. For her. But as much as I love and adore her, both my submissive and my dominant soul demand attention. Princess does need a lot of guidance and control, but in a very non-sexual way.

There are also positive signs. Last night, she told me that she is not pleased with our sex life as well. Yet at the moment she is so devoid of energy and initiative that I don't see how this will change any time soon...

In the meantime, I have started to work-out in the local gym. Lifting weights and pushing my physical boundaries helps me to relief most of my tension.

And I had the opportunity to witness a very interesting female-female conversation. We had a female friend over for dinner. she is successful in her job, but does not seem to find the right guy. Let's call her Mary. Mary is very intelligent, outgoing and lively. She knows how to handle men and how to make them play her game. I always thought that she is dominant, that she likes to control men. So while I was preparing dinner, Princess and Mary were discussing why it is so difficult to find a decent guy. Mary kept complaining that everybody she dates turns out to be very weak and that how much she desires a "real man" who is not in search for a mother.
I could understand what was happening. Her strong and self-confident behavior probably attracted submissive men and maybe amplified their submissive feelings. I guess few man are dominant enough to "fight her down". But apparently this is exactly what Mary is looking for: A man who is a match for her. A man who is at least as strong and as smart as she is.
Further along the conversation, both women had completely forgotten that I was present and they openly discussed their preferences regarding men. I learned that Mary as well as Princess actually despise submissive behavior.

Shame on me

It is interesting how our expectations determine how we perceive an event or episode in our life. I am saying this, because of the nice comments I received on my last post.
In fact, during this episode, I could not fully enjoy the beauty of the moment, because I was so occupied with my own "script" for the session. I was constantly evaluating what Princess was doing. It is like watching a great movie and some voice inside your head keeps asking "how did they do this?".

Shame on me!

In retrospect, I realize that Princess is doing everything to please me. All she needs is an occasional night off, but all I am giving her is the feeling that she is not giving me enough!

Shame on me!

Today I read S's nice list of chores and I realized that Princess is doing much of this for me! How couldn't I notice?

For example, last Sunday she took both our kids out and I had the day just for me. It was the first time in months that I had the flat and the day just for me. I cleaned up a bit and then went for a nice long tour with my bicycle. But at the moment, I did not realize that Princess had arranged this for me. The original plan was that my son went to a birthday party of a friend. But then the friend's mother asked Princess to help out. Princess could just have gone, leaving our daughter with me. Instead, she took her along as well, giving me a day off.

Later, at night, she took initiative and gave me a wonderful blow-job. It was special, because she was obviously enjoying it as much as I did. She actually told me not to direct her in any way, because she wanted to "explore her desires". And this she did thoroughly.

Just before I came, she pulled away to watch me during my most private moment. And after I had recovered a bit, she reached for the tissues and cleaned me. She did it so tenderly and full of love, like a mother cleans her baby.

Is it possible that she wants to please me and to be at my service and that I simply don't know how to handle this?
I must re-focus on her desires - not so much on what I can do for her, but rather what I can be for her.

Do with me whatever you want!

When I woke up on Friday morning, we had a first. It was the first time that Princess started a conversation about our sex live.
It started with her body grinding against mine.
Slowly I awoke from my dreams from the feeling of her butt rubbing against my erection.
She turned around, looked into my sleepy eyes and said:
"I want to apologize -
I want to apologize for rejecting you so often.
I love you so much and it hurts me to leave you unsatisfied."

I gently touched her cheeks and kissed her. "I know." I whispered.

Her hands explored my body. My chest, my belly, my back and soon her hands found their way to my penis.
Her eyes focused on me again, digging deep into me, trying to read my thoughts. Her face was thoughtful. But only for a second. Then she said:
"You can do with me whatever you want."
"Everything?" I asked
"Everything!" she confirmed, "but you must also fuck me."

I felt a flush of love and happiness. My mind raced. What should I do with such an unexpected offer.

I undressed her and lay on top of her. I felt her skin. I smelled her scent. I entered her. I took her hard and fast, because this is what she needed. And while I made love to her, I held her face in my hands, kissing her mouth, nibbling on her lips.

Princess enjoyed what I was doing.
"I love when you take me like this. I love to be in your arms when you fuck me."
Her body confirmed what she had said: She became wet. Very wet. The sensation of entering her was incredible. Like diving into a tight hot pool. I brought her knees up against her chest and reached for her behind. With my hands I cupped her butt. It was wet as well. Her liquids were everywhere. My fingers probed her anus. With ease I slid inside. Deeper than ever before. I felt myself sliding in and out of her. I inserted a second finger. Would it fit? I had never done it before. She moaned with pleasure. Hopefully, she would not wake up the kids. For a moment I thought about anal sex. But we have never done it and I was not sure that it would work right away. Too great was the danger to spoil the moment and too great was her pleasure in what I was doing now. So I decided that this is enough for today.
I fucked her with two fingers deep inside her anus. It was so great just observing her pleasure that I almost forgot about my orgasm. Finally she begged me to make her cum and as soon as my tongue touched her pussy, she did. I re-entered her before her orgasm was over. She was even wetter than before. We were soaking with sweat and love. We were panting. No longer was I observing her. My mind was finally at rest and my primal instincts took over. I was just using her to provide the friction for my pleasure. I was grunting like an animal when I exploded. Breathless I collapsed on top of her.
After a few minutes Princess said "I feel so close to you now. Why don't we do this more often?"

Back again and lost

Our long vacation is over.
It is nice to be back again.

We are back at home and at least in bed we are back in wife-led mode.
Why? Because if I get to decide when we make love, I use every conceivable moment to do it.
For Princess this was simply too much. And curiously, it was too much for me, too.
I simply don't know what to do with my power to decide. I cannot use it wisely and with measure. Instead I jump at Princess whenever it is possible. Not because I want to, but because I can.

While we were at home, following our daily schedules, this was not a problem. But on vacation, where we saw each other every day, all day long, it became too much.

After two weeks of making love at least once a day, often twice, Princess became more and more upset. We discussed the issue, no, we had an argument over it. The argument ended without clear resolution.
Despite my inability to control myself, she still wanted me to decide when we are intimate, but not too often. How much is too often? I don't know. And she doesn't know. Inevitably, she will reject me sooner or later. But if I decide, I don't want to be rejected. I can't handle rejections when I am leading. I feel hurt and humiliated. I want to crawl back into slave mode immediately.
So I decided for myself to let her decide. I watch her body language and if I am 150% sure that she is in the mood, I will take initiative.

A few days later, when things had calmed down a bit, we talked everything over again, she surprised me with the offer that I still could make love to her any time (but not too often), and that I am still free to take anytime, even against her will. So no rejections, as long as I don't approach her too often?

So here i am, confused how we go on and without clear inner directive...

Vacation

We are enjoying our yearly vacation, so I won't be posting anything for the rest of this month.

I will use the time to think about "the ways of the master" - All the things I must learn to make Princess happy.

Why I blog?

This post is a response to some comments on Susan's Pet's blog.
Why do we blog? Why do I blog?

Of course I do enjoy the weekly statistics of my blog. I love the comments. But most of all, I write for myself.

I blog, because I like to write in English, which is obviously not my mother tongue.
I blog, because writing my thoughts down helps me to stay focused.

After I write an entry, things are clearer to me than they were before, and often I feel tempted to retract the post, because suddenly everything seems much clearer and simpler.
Writing is thinking.

When I started this blog, I did not expect anybody to be interested in my musings. But when I see how many people per day stay on my blog for longer than two minutes, I feel gratified.

I love the comments, but I have noticed that the more unrefined a post is, the more comments I get. If you give all the answers, why would anybody comment at all? This encourages me to post more and polish less :-)

Depression

When I returned home, we chatted a bit and then I told her that I want to make love to her. Without hesitation, she stripped naked and we made love for a long time. It usually takes her a while to get into the "flow", but if I last long enough, I can fuck her into heaven. I can see it in her face. All tension is gone. Her face is sheer beauty.
When we were done, she fell asleep instantly, as if my absence had also deprived her of rest and sleep.

What I did not know then was that during my absence, Princess had slipped into depression. She has recently lost her job and understandably, this was a blow on her self-confidence. When I returned from home the following day, I could immediately see that Princess was deeply depressed. The apartment was a complete mess. Breakfast was still on the table and heaps of fresh laundry, waiting to be ironed were everywhere.

Princess pampered me a bit, by bringing me food and a cold beer and then went away to clean up the flat. I was upset, because I wanted some special time with my Princess. Obviously she had spent her day rather unproductive and now, when I wanted her, she was busy cleaning up. And later in bed, Princess was exhausted and wanted to sleep. She was responsive to my intimate caressing, and I could have taken her, but I was so obvious that she needed sleep, that I let her.

For the following day, I gave Princess clear instructions on how to spend her day. I made it clear that when I come home from work, I expect her undivided attention. She did not complain that I ordered her around. Rather she was accepting my orders by simple "Yes" and "I understand".

Obviously there was no reason to be nervous. Especially after her job-loss Princess wants a firm hand that guides her. A strong shoulder to lean on. She wants assurance that she is loved and the security that I take care of her.

What worries me a bit is, that she actually needs a strong partner. There is no room for me to be weak. I must be strong all the time, so she can be happy.

Life and fantasy

There is still a difference between fantasy and real life.
Last night Princess sent me an email, taking back much of what we had agreed on.
While she likes an occasional "role-play", she writes, she feels that submitting totally to me is not what she wants.
Princess thinks she is too passive in bed anyway and if she hands the reign over to me entirely, she will become even more passive.

That may indeed be. She has never been the one who starts a steamy love-making session. By now I have accepted it, but if she becomes more active, I am the last one to complain.

"Lets talk things over when you're back home" were her last words.

Tomorrow I am flying back home. Let's see what will happen. I am nervous.

One step further...

It is now almost two months since things have turned around. Two months since I am head of the house. Two months in which Princess was so eager to fulfill my wishes.

We are two submissive minds. So alike, but yet so different.

I am away from home on a business trip. Enough time to think about my marriage and my feelings. Time to think about my desire to make my wife happy. My desire to surrender my wishes so Princess can have hers.

On the plane I tried to sleep. But instead I fell into this strange state where you are neither asleep nor awake. Vivid sexual fantasies flushed my brain. Incoherent pieces of violent sex with Princess and other women. I was immersed in a world lust without limits. I was feasting in a mental "all you can fuck" buffet. I was not aware of it until I woke up. But all the time, I was strangely aware of my painful erection. It pressed hard against my belly. Its heat radiated through my entire body.

I can't remember how long I slept, but when I woke up I was soaking wet. Fortunately the seat next to me was vacant. My erection would not subside. Only then did I remembered what I had dreamed. I was shocked and confused. I went to the bathroom to restore myself. There I noticed the semen that was dripping from of my penis. I don't think I ever had such a vivid dream.

I spent the rest of the trip thinking about our marriage and I realized that I start to enjoy my role. I enjoy controlling her. I enjoy watching her. I enjoy the pleasure she gets out of being fucked. I enjoy the freedom and control over my own sexuality.

But I also realized that something is still missing. If Princess wants me to be in charge, it should be on my terms. Otherwise it does not feel right. I noticed that as soon as Princess is contradicting any of my wishes, I fall back into submissive mode. I become her servant again. It is the role that I would prefer, but that she does not like.

So if I am to be in charge, I must learn to stand my ground and she must acknowledge my authority. Princess must officially declare her surrender to me as her husband. She must empower me to be her master.

When I arrived at my hotel, I wrote a long email to Princess, essentially writing what I have written here. I told her that I enjoyed the current state, but that I feel unsure how we should continue. Carefully I asked her if she would like to be my "property". If she would be willing to obey my orders, to serve me and to treat me respectfully as her owner. In return I offered her to take full responsibility for her well being.

I read the mail once more and realized how self centered it was. A long list of her duties, what she must do for me without complaint, and how she must demonstrate her submission to me in everyday life. I thought it over. I deleted the mail. Retrieved it again. Thought once more and decided that this is what Princess wants.

After I had sent the mail, I was anxious for her reply. I knew that she does not check her private mail regularly, maybe once a day.
I found her response the next morning. It was short:
"Since you are in charge I am much happier that before. I would love to be your property. You are my life!"

I can't properly describe my first reaction to her clear message. I expected a long letter of mixed statements. The best words to describe my feelings are love and responsibility.

So we are entering a new stage. I am not sure how much of this will work out. And I am also nervous. Will I live up to my part of the promise. Will Princess will keep her part of the deal when we are back in the daily routine?

Right now I am very proud and enjoy my role - more than I expected. For all my friends who try to establish a WLM, this my be encouraging.
Domination can be fun. To see and experience how Princess enjoys it, it is deeply satisfying for me. It makes me proud to serve her this way.

Self-control

The last weeks have been very hard for Princess. She was working long hours and did not sleep very well at night. I decided to give her some rest.
Last night, Princess was still very tired, but she felt obliged to give me at least a hand job. I really appreciate her eagerness to please me, but I decided that is is better for her to sleep.
She thanked me and fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, we woke up before the alarm clock and we used the time to cuddle and caress each other. She enjoyed it very much and proposed that we make love before we get up.
As a foreplay, I went down on her. Princess enjoyed my attention and moved her hips and pelvis to guide my tongue to the right places.
After a while she reminded me that I should stop now if we still want to make love. If I continue, she will come, but there won't be any more time for making love. If we make love now, I will come, but there won't be anymore time for her pleasure. Her orgasm or mine. I decided for hers.

Princess soon rewarded me with a strong orgasm. Then she relaxed. All the signs of stress and tension were gone from her face. She was calm and beautiful.
I didn't have an orgasm. I still enjoy my arousal which has not lost its intensity.

Self control is difficult, but it gives you pride and self confidence.
I know now that I can control both of us for our mutual pleasure.

You must learn to trust me

Last night we were lying in bed and Princess started to touch me. I was very aroused. First, because I did not have an orgasms for some time.
But mostly, because she wanted to please me, although she was tired.

I gently stroke her back while she was in my arms.
"You are my little sex toy" I whispered in her ear.
Usually, she responds something affirmative, but not tonight.
She said: "Urmel, tonight I am too tired and exhausted for this kind of games."

-- Ouch!

This turned me off. Although she continued to stimulate me, I did not want to come anymore. I though, if I let her continue, she is ruling and not me. She would not want that. If I come now, my orgasm is wasted. It will be rushed. Neither of us will enjoy it.
Moreover, I thought, if she is not interested in the role she chose for herself, there is no point in going any further.
I had lost all interest in making love and with it my erection.

Princess noticed that I was suddenly limp as a wet cloth and she asked if anything was wrong.
"What you have just said really turned me off. I think we better stop." I answered.

"I am sorry. I am just very tired."

"I will not use you, when you are exhausted like this. If you want me to be in charge, you must learn to trust me. Sleep now!"

She thanked me, kissed me good night and fell asleep at once.

I am glad and proud that I said no although I could have had it. I said no, because I knew it would not be good. Only good sex is the key to more and better sex.

I am responsible that we only have sex when we both enjoy it. Otherwise, we will fall back into old patterns, where Princess perceived sex as a burden.

When we woke up next morning, we were both relaxed and really enjoyed our intimacy.

Our reversal of roles

For the last weeks, I am the head of the bedroom. I decide when we have sex. I decide how we have sex. Whatever I decide, Princess is very eager to please me. You can imagine that we have had a lot of sex lately.

What I don't understand so far is why this works. In the past, we often quarreled about sex. She complained that it was too much. Now we have even more sex and seems very happy with my high sex drive. Suddenly she is so eager to pleasure me that I can't believe it. Why?

Maybe it was our WLM experiment that changed her mind. Maybe my confessions made her think about her own desires. I thought that she wanted to be in control; that she wanted to decide when and how we have sex. Probably my wishes were father of the thought, who knows, but in the end I was wrong. Our WLM experiment lasted only four months. Princess did not like it.

Maybe there is another reason as well. In the past, I was always very polite when it came to sex: "Would you like to make love?" or "Would you like blow me?". I was very defensive. And the more problems we had, the more defensive and I became.
"Please let us make love."
In the end I was begging more than anything else. And the more I begged, the less sex we had. I guess she was simply put off by this. The problem was not the amount of sex, but the amount of begging.

Recently Princess told me that in bed she doesn't want to be asked. So now I just tell her what I want: "Tonight I will use you" or "Suck me until I come." She seems to get most of her satisfaction from giving me pleasure. Of course I must make sure that she gets what she needs. But I must be very subtle, because she doesn't want me to do something for her pleasure only. She needs the feeling that I take her for my pleasure only. If I ask her whether she likes what we are doing, I destroy this feeling.
Princess needs to be fucked. I know that now. So I fuck her often. Much more often than before and much harder than before.

Princess has become my sex toy and she tells me she loves it. But like with every toy, I must take care not to break it. I am responsible for her and she trusts me. Being responsible means that I must put her well being before my mine. If she is too tired, I must decide that we won't have sex, even if I wanted it. Being responsible means that I know her well enough to know her limits. I can push these limits, but I must know where to stop. I must also decide when we don't have sex and these are the most difficult decisions. Self-control and patience are not my virtues. She makes it easy to control her, but is much harder to control myself.

Behind the wheel

My little girl
Drive anywhere
Do what you want
I don't care

Tonight
I'm in the hands of fate
I hand myself
Over on a plate

Now

Oh little girl
There are times when I feel
I rather not be
The one behind the wheel

Come
Pull my strings
Watch me move
I do anything

Please

Sweet little girl
I prefer
You behind the wheel
And me the passenger

Drive
I'm yours to keep
Do what you want
I'm going cheap

Tonight

You're behind the wheel, tonight

- Depeche Mode -

Quiz result

Just for fun, I took the BDSM Quiz today. Here is the result. It seems there is hope. According to the analysis I am as much dominant than I am submissive. Good to know I thought.

Watching or being watched is an arousing notion to you. There are many reasons why people enjoy this fetish. Being uncomfortable. Feeling guilty. Appreciation. For some it could simply be sex in public because there is a fear of getting caught. Either way, it turns you on. The best venue for this would be group sex. If you enjoy watching you would be considered a voyeur. If you would rather be watched you are an exhibitionist. Although, most of the time, both fetishes go hand-in-hand.

Exhibitionist / Voyeur		93%
Experimental		86%
Sadist		86%
Degradation Lover		82%
Switch		79%
Dominant		79%
Bondage		75%
Submissive		68%
Masochist		61%
Vanilla		11%

We will never live a wife-led marriage

I have not posted for some time. In fact I was not sure whether I should continue this blog.

I started this blog to sort out my thoughts and to write about my attempt to transform my marriage into a wife led marriage. Writing helped me, but your comments and advice helped me even more. They helped me through periods of doubt and encouraged me to continue. I am very grateful for that.

A wife-led marriage is my dream. I want to show my love and devotion by submitting to the woman I love. It excites me. It arouses me. It stirs something deep inside me. I wished Princess would rule and guide me.

But as strong as this wish may be, I don't depend on it. I am strong enough to live my live without being guided and controlled.

This is where Princess and I differ. During our short wife-led period, we have discovered that Princess needs my emotional strength. She needs my guidance and support. Without it, she says, she won't be able to live her life. It no sexual desire, it is an emotional need. She is weaker than I am. I don't need force to break her, she does it on her own. So I must re-build her every day. My optimism and my emotional strength fuel her well-being. If I withdraw it from her, she suffers.

I have accepted that we will never live a wife-led marriage. My mission has changed. I must lead. I must be strong. But though I may have lost a battle, we are winning a war. Our marriage has grown stronger and our love is deeper than before.

Maybe this is reason enough to continue this blog...

Her Master's Voice

I think it is established now, that my wife is at least as submissive as I am. In bed, she wants to be dominated. She wants to be used. She wants to be forced.

For me this is a difficult situation for I am submissive as well. But when Princess feels better this way, I will do as she wishes. It is my mission to serve her and to make her happy, even if it means to change my role from bottom to top.

I asked Princess what she wants.
"I prefer to be your slave, rather than the other way around"

So I became her master. Her conscious and careful master. I watch her even more than before, to understand her moods and anticipate her desires. Then I act. And when I act, I won't let her stop me. I do what I determined to do.

Her reaction was amazing. I can't remember the last time we had so much passionate sex in a week. But every time, I made sure that I was not carried away by my own desires. I made sure that I cater the needs of my Princess as well. She does not need an orgasm each time, but she needs to be fucked, hard and long. She needs to feel me in her and on top of her. Then she'll be wax in my hands and obey to whatever I command.

One night, I decided that we don't have sex. I wanted to give her a rest. I was in bed reading, when Princess came in. She was tired from a long day at work. It was obvious. But she was a good girl and undressed entirely, and joined me in bed. Ready to be used. I put my arm around her and told her to sleep. She thanked me and we cuddled and talked.
I whispered in her ear that she is now my property and that she exists solely for my pleasure. She pressed her naked body against mine and started to touch me. It was a wonderful gesture of devotion.
"Take me in your mouth and suck me!" I commanded. She obeyed. She took me deep into her mouth and sucked me with passionately. After I while, she sat up and massaged my wet cock. I could feel my orgasm coming.
"Suck me, until I come in your mouth" I ordered and immediately she took me in her mouth again. When I came soon after that, she continued licking, slowly and gentle.
"Good girl" I said. There was no question that apart from my orgasm this was her only reward.

When we make love, it turns me on to be dominant and forceful. But outside the bedroom I find it difficult to keep up Her Master's Voice.

This week I was reminded again and again on At All Times' post from a while ago.
How hard can it be?
How hard can it be to put on a dominant tone?
How hard can it be to order instead of asking?

It is difficult. Very difficult. I've tried.

It is difficult, because our emotions result from what we do. The psychologist William James formulated this idea over 100 years ago.
Our emotions follow our actions rather than the other way around.
We don't smile because we are happy, but we are happy, because we smile.
We don't cry and tremble, because we are sad, but we are sad because we cry and tremble.
Try it out. Smile and you will feel immediately feel happier.

When I am kind and affectionate to Princess, I feel good. I feel love and I feel lust. But when I boss her around and when I put on a strict and unfriendly voice, my emotions change according to what I am doing. I start to feel the way I behave. I don't feel good anymore. I don't feel erotic. It turns me off.

I think it is a good exercise for all submissive men to switch roles once in a while. In particular, when you cannot understand why your wife is not doing to you what you desire and wish for. Just try it out for one week. For me this week was an eye-opener. I now understand why my wife refused to be more demanding, forceful and, well, unfriendly to me. Unless you are in a sexual mood, it simply drags you down.

Subbing from the top

In my previous posts I have mentioned, that our sex life has been a bit dormant lately. Mainly because Princess has been working so much that she was too exhausted for nearly everything.

Well, last Friday I again expected a quiet night. I was kneeling in bed next to princess, gently caressing her back. She had closed her eyes and slowly drifted away, obviously enjoying my touch. And I was content as well, because I could please my Princess. In a second, she would turn around, kiss me good night, and fall asleep. Tomorrow morning she would weak up, relaxed and awake, and we would make passionate love for the first time in days.

Then, to my surprise, I felt her hand on my penis, lightly stroking me through my underwear. Within seconds I was hard. I undressed and straddled her, so that she could access me better. It was heaven and very excited.

She masturbated me with slow, but steady strokes, her other hand firmly cupping my balls. She knew how excited I was and increased her pace. I tried to relax, so that I don't come to early, but after two more stokes, I could not hold back any longer. Just a minute after she started, I had to concede. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the force of my orgasm.
When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised by the amount of cum on her chest.

After I cleaned up, she put her head on my chest. I felt the need to apologize, because I came so quickly and that I did not service her in any way.

"Don't be sorry," she said, "I love it when you can't control yourself. And I love when you come on me".
There it was again. Does she want me to dominate her? I did not comment on this, but enjoyed the moment of love and closeness. I gently caressed her while I relaxed.
But Princess was now awake and wanted to talk. So we talked. We talked about our days at work, the kids, well, we talked about everything.

Eventually our conversation turned back to sex, or rather the recent lack of it. Princess stressed how much she suffers when we don't make love often enough. And she thanked me for being so patient. I took this opportunity to see if she wants me to take more initiative, because she has mentioned this a couple of times. So I said "I missed you as well, in fact I was having rape fantasies." Maybe this was a bit drastic, but I wanted to probe how dominant she would like me to be. I expected her to scold me for being so inconsiderate and tasteless.

But instead, she smiled and said "So next time rape me!"
"Are you serious?", I inquired
"Yes, next time you are horny, don't listen to me, just take me and fuck me."
"Ok", I said.
And then we made love. Long and passionately. Since I had just cum, I lasted long. I fucked her hard, for I knew that she wanted it and needed it.
When I finally came, she held me very tight, her fingers digging deep into my flesh.

I was sure that Princess now wanted me to pleasure her as well, but she denied and said she was fully satisfied and ready to sleep. So we did.

The rest of the weekend was different from the previous ones. Princess did not boss me around . No orders. No commands. Instead, she was very eager to do her share of the household chores. We made love several times more, in the mornings and in the evenings, making up for the lost opportunities.

Sexually, it was a very satisfying weekend, but I feel that we are moving away from a wife-led marriage towards the opposite. Princess is subbing from the top so to speak, and I am not sure how to react. Maybe I am a switch, maybe it is easier to change myself, then it is to change her....

But am I prepared to play the dominant role?

Confused

I am a bit confused at the moment by the way things develop in our marriage. There is progress both inside and outside the bedroom.

In daily life, Princess is getting more and more dominant. By now she is constantly bossing me around. She expects me to take care of the kids and the house without being asked. No more polite phrases. Just orders. Friendly, but direct. And she scolds me whenever she is displeased with my performance. Immediately, without any consideration that she may hurt my feelings.

Even when we have visitors, she instructs me to serve her and our guest. Even when I have guests, she will sit down with them and have me do all the work. She will say things like
"Urmel will serve dinner at 6" or
"Don't forget to start dinner soon, I'm hungry" or
"Urmel, drive our guest to the station."

My wife is obviously and openly taking charge of our life(s) and of mine. She enjoys the control. She enjoys that she needn't be polite with me. It is liberating for her to just say what she thinks and wants.

Now all these things are reasons to be happy. My strategy is working. Or is it.

I did not mention how our intimate life is developing. Quite the opposite actually. Despite the exciting interlude of her dominating me, she does not like to be dominant in bed. Whenever I am a bit forceful or passionate, she emphasizes how much it turns her on. She encourages me to be dominant. And obviously she uses the same strategy on me that I use on her! Positive reinforcement.

Last night she was tired and apologized for not being in the mood for sex. She put her head on my chest and we cuddled. I thought I give it a try and said:
"What a pity, i was feeling very dominant tonight. You like when I am dominant, don't you?"
She nodded and pressed herself against me. She was like a little girl in daddies arms.
I held her very tight, grabbed her hips and butt. I could feel that she was getting turned on, but since I knew that she was tired, I stopped and announced "Good night, Princess".

So what is this now? sub by day, Dom by night?