Subbing from the top

In my previous posts I have mentioned, that our sex life has been a bit dormant lately. Mainly because Princess has been working so much that she was too exhausted for nearly everything.

Well, last Friday I again expected a quiet night. I was kneeling in bed next to princess, gently caressing her back. She had closed her eyes and slowly drifted away, obviously enjoying my touch. And I was content as well, because I could please my Princess. In a second, she would turn around, kiss me good night, and fall asleep. Tomorrow morning she would weak up, relaxed and awake, and we would make passionate love for the first time in days.

Then, to my surprise, I felt her hand on my penis, lightly stroking me through my underwear. Within seconds I was hard. I undressed and straddled her, so that she could access me better. It was heaven and very excited.

She masturbated me with slow, but steady strokes, her other hand firmly cupping my balls. She knew how excited I was and increased her pace. I tried to relax, so that I don't come to early, but after two more stokes, I could not hold back any longer. Just a minute after she started, I had to concede. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the force of my orgasm.
When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised by the amount of cum on her chest.

After I cleaned up, she put her head on my chest. I felt the need to apologize, because I came so quickly and that I did not service her in any way.

"Don't be sorry," she said, "I love it when you can't control yourself. And I love when you come on me".
There it was again. Does she want me to dominate her? I did not comment on this, but enjoyed the moment of love and closeness. I gently caressed her while I relaxed.
But Princess was now awake and wanted to talk. So we talked. We talked about our days at work, the kids, well, we talked about everything.

Eventually our conversation turned back to sex, or rather the recent lack of it. Princess stressed how much she suffers when we don't make love often enough. And she thanked me for being so patient. I took this opportunity to see if she wants me to take more initiative, because she has mentioned this a couple of times. So I said "I missed you as well, in fact I was having rape fantasies." Maybe this was a bit drastic, but I wanted to probe how dominant she would like me to be. I expected her to scold me for being so inconsiderate and tasteless.

But instead, she smiled and said "So next time rape me!"
"Are you serious?", I inquired
"Yes, next time you are horny, don't listen to me, just take me and fuck me."
"Ok", I said.
And then we made love. Long and passionately. Since I had just cum, I lasted long. I fucked her hard, for I knew that she wanted it and needed it.
When I finally came, she held me very tight, her fingers digging deep into my flesh.

I was sure that Princess now wanted me to pleasure her as well, but she denied and said she was fully satisfied and ready to sleep. So we did.

The rest of the weekend was different from the previous ones. Princess did not boss me around . No orders. No commands. Instead, she was very eager to do her share of the household chores. We made love several times more, in the mornings and in the evenings, making up for the lost opportunities.

Sexually, it was a very satisfying weekend, but I feel that we are moving away from a wife-led marriage towards the opposite. Princess is subbing from the top so to speak, and I am not sure how to react. Maybe I am a switch, maybe it is easier to change myself, then it is to change her....

But am I prepared to play the dominant role?

Confused

I am a bit confused at the moment by the way things develop in our marriage. There is progress both inside and outside the bedroom.

In daily life, Princess is getting more and more dominant. By now she is constantly bossing me around. She expects me to take care of the kids and the house without being asked. No more polite phrases. Just orders. Friendly, but direct. And she scolds me whenever she is displeased with my performance. Immediately, without any consideration that she may hurt my feelings.

Even when we have visitors, she instructs me to serve her and our guest. Even when I have guests, she will sit down with them and have me do all the work. She will say things like
"Urmel will serve dinner at 6" or
"Don't forget to start dinner soon, I'm hungry" or
"Urmel, drive our guest to the station."

My wife is obviously and openly taking charge of our life(s) and of mine. She enjoys the control. She enjoys that she needn't be polite with me. It is liberating for her to just say what she thinks and wants.

Now all these things are reasons to be happy. My strategy is working. Or is it.

I did not mention how our intimate life is developing. Quite the opposite actually. Despite the exciting interlude of her dominating me, she does not like to be dominant in bed. Whenever I am a bit forceful or passionate, she emphasizes how much it turns her on. She encourages me to be dominant. And obviously she uses the same strategy on me that I use on her! Positive reinforcement.

Last night she was tired and apologized for not being in the mood for sex. She put her head on my chest and we cuddled. I thought I give it a try and said:
"What a pity, i was feeling very dominant tonight. You like when I am dominant, don't you?"
She nodded and pressed herself against me. She was like a little girl in daddies arms.
I held her very tight, grabbed her hips and butt. I could feel that she was getting turned on, but since I knew that she was tired, I stopped and announced "Good night, Princess".

So what is this now? sub by day, Dom by night?

What do you do when your Mistress is tired?

What do you do when your Mistress is too tired to dominate? When she is too exhausted to be interested in anybody else? I don't want to complain, yet sometimes I need to let off steam.

I must complain even though I know that it does not help. Complaining makes everything worse. It only increases frustration, because once I complain I pay more attention to the problem.

Princess started in her new job in January and she is still on probation. She works in a new field. On top of her work, she has to learn new things, get acquainted with new colleagues, and so on. She leaves the house at seven and is not back before seven. During the week, she does not get enough sleep. She is tired, moody, and what's worse, she wants nobody around. She wants to be left alone. Worst of all, when Princess is tired for a few days, she becomes depressed. By the end of the week she is a wreck.

I would be tired and exhausted, yet, I am rarely that tired. And, I have lots of other interests. I write, I draw, I take photos, I read books and most important, I care for my wife and my children. These things help me to relax. They divert my attention from the problems at work. These things are my other life, my real life, the life I love. Without these things I could not be productive and creative at work.

Princess has no other regular interests. When she comes home, she literally drops dead on our couch. No music, no TV. For the next hour she will not open her eyes. She will not move. She does not sleep, she is in a coma like state.. When she finally gets up, she will prepare for bed.

Princess is so burned-out that I wonder how this can continue. I wonder how I can help or support her. She does not want me around.

I don't see her when she is away and I don't see her when she is back. This is no wife-led marriage, this is not even a vanilla marriage. This is apartment sharing.

I think every couple has phases like this. Some couples have even more stress and strain than we do. I must not complain. I should be patient. I should focus on making her live easier. To help her relax. But how?

Last weekend we did not have much sex, because Princess was too tired. But we had some interesting conversations during the day. Princess told me how much she suffers under her current situation and how much she misses intimacy during the week.

At least I am not the only one who suffers. If we both agree that there is a problem, we can look for a solution.

Where are you?

I am a bit deprived lately.
The following verses came to my mind.

I just see you working
And when you're here,
tired, exhausted,
you're still not near

Without you I'm hungry
Like a beast in a cage
I'm running in circles,
trying to escape

For something inside me
is primal and dark,
It feeds on my pride
and feeds on my joy

Without your love
it grows stronger and stronger
slowly, so slowly
it eats me alive

Love is...

to dream of you when you're away
to serve you every night and day

what you desire I shall do
don't tell me, 'cause I ought to know

for your pleasure I will live
please accept what I can give

Playtime

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How important is your sex drive?

My wife can go without sex for a long time. You can say she has a low sex drive. She has often denied me sex and I guess this has revived my dormant submissiveness.

I have written about my new goal to satisfy her in bed and to fulfill her wishes and fantasies. I think I am successful, because now whenever we have sex, I can feel and see that she enjoys it.

For example, last weekend she had two orgasms when we made love. It was the first time ever.
She started to initiate sex and asks me to make love to her more often. She says things like "We should do this more often" or "I need more sex". Instead of being denied she lets me cum in her mouth. In short, we have more sex and better sex.

So what about her low sex drive? Is it really important?
How much is the frequency of our intimate encounters actually determined by the sex drive?

I have developed a theory. It is probably wrong, but I like it and I will share it with you. Please feel free to disagree.

If your sex life is running at the frequency of her sex drive, she is probably not enjoying it.
Sex may then be just a bit better than the withdrawal symptoms.

If you stay with me for a while, I will try to elucidate my thinking.

There is a difference between how often I want sex and how often I need sex:

• I want sex, because I like it.
• I need sex, because of my sex drive, which in turn is upheld by my hormones.

My sex drive gives me the lower bound of my sex frequency. If I have less, I feel depressed. But long before I reach this lower bound I get restless and desperate.
How well I can cope with the withdrawal symptoms depends on the circumstances. For example, if my Princess is ill, I can tolerate the lack of sex more easily. I don't know my exact lower limit, but I think I need sex about once a week.

I want sex far more often than that. I want it three or four times a day. This was my masturbation frequency until I stopped about a month ago. Given the opportunity, I can increase the frequency up to my physical limits.

Why do I want more sex than I need? Because its fun. For me sex has always been great. No bad experiences and often I managed to get what I wanted. That's why I want more and more of it.

I think that

1. The amount of sex you need depends on your sex drive and how well you cope with withdrawal.
2. The amount of sex you want depends on the quality of your sex life and sexual history.

You can influence how often you have enjoyable sex. The better is gets the more you will have (up to a certain limit of course). But the inverse is also true. If your sex life is running at the frequency of her sex drive, she is probably not enjoying it. Sex may then be just a bit better than the withdrawal symptoms.